Can I trust myself?

When my friend said, "Trust yourself," every red flag I had immediately went up.

I grew up with a Biblical understanding (I thought) that I could not trust myself, I could not trust feelings but rather needed to trust what I "know" rather than what I "felt." Feelings change, you can't trust them. The heart is deceitful. This foundational teaching aligned with my personality, I didn't like highly emotional, excitable people!

Note in fairness to my teachers, I was young and what I took away from the teaching may have not been what they intened. None the less, I have always been "suspicious" of overly "feelly" people.

Today the phrase "trust myself" does not cause the same intense reactions it did several years ago.
I recognize God's Spirit working in me
and I trust her.
I trust myself.
I have confidence in myself
not arrogant, not prideful
but a profound, deep strength of knowing and trusting myself.

I am capable
I am compotent
I am confident in the woman God has created me to be.

I trust myself.

Can I trust God?

When I left the corporate world of EDS and went to Asbury Seminary the most important thing I learned was to ask good questions. Naturally you would have thought that I learned how to answer questions, but no, I learned to ask good questions and over the years since seminary I have continued to ask even better questions.

These days I'm asking and wrestling with the question, "Can I trust God?"

Seriously.
Not can I say the words, "I trust God," but can I really trust Him to provide and work on my behalf.

"Do I believe and trust that God does and will provide for me?"

If I believe this statement, how would my day look different?

Waiting is prayer

My head says
Do, do, do
The fast eat the slow
You have to make it happen
Getting a job depends solely on you

My soul says
Wait, listen, watch, rest
Your strength comes from settling down in complete dependence on me [God] (Is. 30.16)

Waiting is not passive, it's not in-activity, although my body may be still.
Waiting is prayer, trusting, faith
while I "wait on the Lord"
He is working on my behalf

"God's not finished. He's waiting around to be gracious to you. He's gathering strength to show mercy to you. God takes the time to do everything right -- EVERYTHING.
THose who wait around for him are the lucky ones." (Is.30.18)

I believe - help my unbelief.

I am a little child!

Chesterton's passage about "Do it again" along with Herschel's quote "to be spiritual is to be constantly amazed," has deeply touched me. It has been a grace from God as different influences (Robert Coles, Sandy Eisenburg Sasso, Cathy Stonehouse, Richard Louv, etc.)have all shaped both my personal spirituality and my understanding of kids spiritual development.

The other day while in the woods, it hit me. I am like a little child.
I am thrilled to see yet another cardinal or woodpecker at my bird feeder.
I love to see "my" hawk fly through the backyard, two, three or four times a day.
I get excited when I hear the owl hooting in the morning, or
see the morning sun break over the horizon in the southern winter sky.

I am filled with awe and wonder at what God is doing.

What fills you with awe and wonder?
Are you too burdened with the "to do, perform, accomplish" list to even notice God?
Spend some time with a child, play and listen to them. They will teach you.