I am tired

I am naturally an introvert. I process a lot in my head, I think through things and even yes perhaps over analyze things, but I’ve experience Spirit’s influence during those introspective times.

I am thankful that God has given me the gift of having a spiritual director. As an introvert I’ve been surprised that while speaking with my spiritual director, I have often made connections or discovered a truth that I had not on my own.

Recently I identified that hardest thing about hurting is not the pain, but the fatigue. I am always tired. I don’t sleep well and when I do it’s not a deep restorative sleep. Personally I know that when I am tired I am less likely to engage God, because shadowing God takes a lot of creativity and energy.

My spiritual director suggested that perhaps some of my tiredness is coming from grieving the loss of my dad. Perhaps. I haven’t explored my current circumstances from that perspective.

How do I heal when my primary role is to minister to others?

You listen to yourself. You trust yourself and Spirit to direct you. You take the time to heal so that you can be available to others. It’s not like you take a week off and hope things get better or even a month, your healing will take place within the context of your daily life. You will be mom, fix meals and bake while working, studying, exercising, and ministering to others AND in the midst of those ordinary life activities you will listen to Spirit as she guides you to rest when you need to, to work from home when you need to, to trust your team, and trust in the daily graces of God.

Jesus, with all his suffering and pain, has been a particularly dear companion to me this Lenten season.