Monday, June 30, 2008

Finding God in the ordinary

Been reading John O’Donahue.
Anam Carma: A Book of Celtic Wisdom
Anam is the Gaelic word for soul;
cara is the word for friend.
Anam cara = soul friend

. . . We rest in the night. The dawn is a refreshing time, a time of possibility and promise. . . Each day, the dawn unveils the mystery of this universe.

Dawn is the ultimate surprise; it awakens us to the immense “thereness” of nature.

Each day is a journey. We come out of the night into the day. All creativity awakens at this primal threshold where light and darkness test and bless each other. You only discover balance in your life when learn to trust the flow of this ancient rhythm.

Check out www.speakingoffaith.org for podcast of O'Donahue "The Inner Landscape of Beauty"

Yesterday was my birthday . . . I’m pretty certain that I have lived more than half of my life.

Where will I be . . . in terms of my relationships 25-30 years from now?
Will I be the restful, gracious woman, pursuer of Jesus and truth . . . that I desire?

Sometimes it is so easy to fall into wanting the “riches of the world” – the home, the travel/vacations, fine wine and dining, title and position, respect, another degree, a cute 25 year old body, etc. rather than God himself.

God is the river that flows through each part of my life
He sustains and carries
He refreshes and restores
He is my life force
I want Him

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Update on plan

My detox plan got off to a moderately successful start.

Yummy pancakes were made with my son, Jeff instead of my daughter. He's the early riser like me. I did get some things accomplished in the garden that I wanted to but at a slower pace - there's always tomorrow and if not, then that'll be OK too.

The kids and I went to the Dalham nature center. Took a walk, spent some time with the naturalist on site, holding snakes and watching turtles do tricks!! This amazing turtle can "stay", "rollover" and "go". My son was very impressed at what this turtle could learn!

Monday, Allie, my daughter and I had lunch at China House. She loves wonton soup and noodles! She is very intrigued by John, the Chinese owner. Allie is from Tongling, Anhui in central China. (check out http://www.gwca.com/ for adoption info). "Johnnie" as Allie affectionately calls him, speaks to her in Chinese. Later that day we fixed up a space in the basement for the kids to play school or office, then made homemade pizzas - "best dinner ever, Mom!"

Detox:::Yes, I need to continue to say yes to the most important things in my life, but quite honestly I will never be a "sit around" type of person.
Perhaps it's not some much the specific activities rather my approach, my attitude towards them.
Perhaps my sabbath rest is found in little moments throughout my day, but I overlook them if I am innerwardly not aware.
Perhaps I am experiencing God's presence and his grace when I play, laugh and spend time with my kids!!

Everything belongs . . .
thank you gracious, gentle Spirit for teaching me your ways -- Ways that remove the "shoulds" and the guilt leaving me with laughter and joy!


Sunday, June 22, 2008

Detox Plan - overworked!

These last 6 weeks have been incredible "full," "saturated" or whatever nice way you want to say overloaded. . . . so I need to detox from the addiction life style. Busyiness is addictive, at least for me. Once I get rolling it is hard to slow down. That is why it is sooo important that I don't slip back into those patterns.

But it's just so dang easy to justify. It's a busy season at work, I'm finishing up school, we're moving to a new house, it's graduation time with lots of parties, the garden needs attention. Everything is GOOD or least most of it is, but if I am left exhausted - emotionally, physically, spiritually - what has it accomplished?


Detox Plan:
I'm beginning the detox process today. Note it takes more than one day, to begin to shift from constant movement to a slower pace. especially when the plan includes this type of day!)
Part of my detox plan includes

- taking the day off work
- getting up early
- taking a nap
- reading a mindless book
- making super duper "banana oatmeal cookie" pancakes (thank you Rachael Ray!)
with my daughter,

- playing kickball with the kids,
- grilling out and
- painting 2 pieces of furniture!!. . . . . oh my, I need help!!!

Quite honestly I had another 3 items to add to this list but I'm too embarrassed, or more accurately aware of how silly this all sounds! If this is my way of detoxing and beginning the "slow down" process, you might be able to imagine what a "regular" day looks like.

I don't find time for God, I MAKE time
I don't find time for my family, I have to TAKE the time

It's all about choices - my choices.

God help me to choose you, to choose relationships over tasks.
Spirit help me, let you lead me today.
Lead me to a place of rest and joy.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Pulled towards God

Several years ago I was introduced to the spiritual formation program at the Dominican Center of Marywood out of Grand Rapids, Michigan (www.dominicancenter.com). Something that has changed my heart, my mind and my life forever.

I was already experiencing personal dissatisfaction, things in my spiritual life no longer “lined” up. I had a lot of questions about my faith and no place to process them. Still I entered the Dominican spiritual formation program cautiously, understanding I was in no way looking to discard my Christian faith and become a “Buddhist”, but also hoping to find answers to questions I hadn’t even asked yet. Basically, I wasn't interested in changing my theology about God, yet yearned to better understand the changes that were already occurring in me. I desperately needed confirmation that what I was experiencing was from God and in fact pulling me into a new dimension of my faith, not away from Him.

Since my involvement with the Dominican spiritual formation program, I feel like I have fewer theological issues that are “non-negotiables,” but I am more certain on the core issues of my faith. My basic theology centers on the scripture Acts 4.12 “Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name (but Jesus Christ) under heaven given to men by whom we must be saved.”

I believe that there are many ways that people come to know and love Jesus Christ. It may be through nature, poetry, music, art, other faiths, literature, movies, challenging circumstance, relationships, gardening, mediation, yoga, exercise, etc. All of these things and more can draw individuals towards Jesus Christ.

I thought I knew what I believed about creation and Jesus' humanity, yet I have been challenged to look at them from a different perspective. I'll admit, it is a scary journey but each time I have been willing to risk examining a "sacred cow" I have found myself drawn deeper into the heart of Jesus. I am learning to trust the Spirit for discernment and truth.

One factor that drew me to Westwinds Church was their understanding that people come to God through various avenues and that He is experienced in all aspects of life. Our faith in God is not just a “ticket” out of hell, but rather a calling to build the Kingdom of God in our lives and communities today. As followers of Jesus, we are called to become a people, a community in which others around us will be "blessed" through us.

The belief that everything is sacred, from my relationship with my kids, my eating and spending habits, my friendships at the soccer field, my marriage, to serving at my local church, reading my Bible and praying. “God blesses everything He creates, making all creation the sign of his presence. If spirituality means the way we grow into the kind of being we are intended to be, then the starting point is not a striving after another world, but a deepening awareness of the true nature of this world and our place in it.”The Sunrise of Wonder, Michael Mayne. This deeper understanding of Christian spirituality is far beyond the more “fundamental” background that I grew up with.

Three years later, I laugh at my comment, "I don't want to change my theology." My theology has radically changed!! and at times even my own family - brother, sister, and parents don't fully understand how I have changed. Yet all I know is - I love Jesus in a way that I've never before.

That's a good trade off for me - uncomfortable, but in love with Jesus!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Baby steps

I am trying to rest more, to slow down -
drive slower,
eliminate distractions such as the radio,
to breathe slower and more deeply,
not fit one more thing into my schedule - no calls in the car
try not to multi-task and to be present with the person I am with.

I will listen to the various birds out my window,
I will exercise three times a week, I will make healthy food choices,
I will smile, think of ways to create, I will read Anam Cara: A book of Celtic Wisdom,
I will play with our new puppy - Jake; I will LAUGH

Nothing earth shattering, but basic, baby steps to move closer to God's heart. God shows up in the ordinary stuff.

I pray that I am not too busy to notice Him or the gifts that he gives me.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Engaging God: Do I have the energy?

. . . . everything has the potential of calling forth in us a deeper response to our life in God (Hearts on Fire, page 8)

. . . . . My only desire and my one choice should be this:
I want and I choose what better leads to God’s deepening his life in me.

St. Ignatius: Spiritual Exercise, Principles and Foundations

My challenges – personal and work are potential opportunities to draw me close to God. Sometimes I respond, accept his hand and invitation to explore that potential. Other times, I stand firm or rather stubbornly – feet planted, like my 4-year-old daughter and say “no”. If not verbally at least with my body language. I am a 4 year old child who refuses to listen to her mom.

Despite my 40+ years, I am still so childish. I either don’t care, don’t trust or don’t understand what is being offered to me. The hand of God to grasp, to follow and walk a path of adventure, growth and intimacy.

Why don’t I accept what is being offered to me – the hand of God to grasp, to follow and walk a path of adventure, growth and intimacy?

As I explored this question, the Spirit showed me some things. When I do accept the invitation to explore with God, I may be nervous and uncertain, but I trust and move forward in faith. In these situations my confidence in the Spirit and myself deepens. When I don’t accept the invitation to explore with God, I am also fearful, nervous and uncertain AND I lack the energy to go on an adventure with God. I have no energy to risk and work hard at learning. I’m tired! In both situations I may be fearful and nervous, the difference is my emotional and physical ability to engage in God’s invitation to the journey. I

Is this why Sabbath rest is so important?

In the past I have recognized that rest is important to my overall health. But I never connected un-rest with my inability or unwillingness to say “yes” to Jesus.

My prayer is that I will let nothing: appearances, fears, discomfort, finances, time, feelings of inadequacy, ministry or approval stand in the way of God pulling me to himself for a deeper more intimate relationship.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

A Life that is full or saturated?

Most days I find that my life is very full. Not overflowing, but still full. I was OK with that description until a friend used the word saturated to describe her schedule. What's the difference between being full or saturated? Whatever word I want to use to describe my busy life, the fact remains that I was leaving little space for the Spirit to work and be spontaneous in my life.

There are some things I am learning about myself in relationship to rest and sabbath. Things that I don't like, but are very important for me to be aware of if I am ever to grow beyond this point in my life.

When I am tired -- physically, emotionally, spiritually -- my "hot buttons" get pushed;
I am less likely to respond to the Spirit's promptings;
I am not a very patient mom to my kids (yuck, I hate to admit that); and
I tend to eat crappy!

So how do you find time to rest when you are a wife, mom of 2 young kids, a pastor, a student, a gardener . . . . I'm still working on it.

Share more later.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Life: God's Curriculum

While at grad school, I majored in joy. Please don't misunderstand, I was in no ways a joyful person, but I took almost every class that was taught by Dr. Donald Joy. So I figured I majored in JOY. I can't begin to describe the numerous ways Dr. Joy and his teachings influenced my life . . .

Life is God's curriculum. It's the way He invites me to become like Him. It's in the everyday situations, the ordinary circumstances, the struggles and challenges. It's through my relationships with others that I am shaped and transformed -- when I let go of my ego and receive His love and grace.

All of that to say, life circumstances has changed - again!! Yesterday we surprised the kids and added another member to our family - of the 4-legged variety. We now have an 8-week-old Golden Retriver puppy, named him Jake. . . . so I'm already anticipating (and a bit anxious) to see how I will be "formed" through this latest adventure.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Rule of Life 3.2

My personal mission statement (a Stephen Covey thing of the 80/90's) has evolved into my Rule of Life. These are the things that help guide me through everyday life.

Rule of Life – 3.2
Move beyond my own pain and fears to grow as a follower of Jesus, a wife, a mom, a sister, a friend, a leader, a woman living on the earth

Journey towards becoming a restful, captivating woman (Examples in my life Dr. Joy, Margaret Bridges, Valeria Goddard, D’Arcy Maher, “Captivating Book” by John and Staci Eldridge)

Love and honor my husband, children, parents and family

Make space and time for God to speak

Listen for the voice of God in other people and trust that He is working in their lives

Learn to “sit with others”, listen, do not need to fix or solve a problem. It’s ok to be uncomfortable

Integrate nature into my life as a way of connecting to God

Look for opportunities to be creative – cooking, gardening, writing, photography, parenting

Make relationships a priority over work and ministry

Extend mercy and grace to those I am in contact with

Live and teach a life of thankfulness

Resist comparing myself to others

Resist taking myself too seriously

Dream big and risk more

See and acknowledge God’s presence in all situations and people - All is Gift (St. Francis)

Move towards and live out an integrated life. To lead and minister our of wholeness – physical (exercise, diet, rest), emotional, mental and spiritual