Re-inventing my job

Re-inventing of my job is a difficult but good process now. The "fun" of the new learning curve is over . . . now I am faced with the daily living stuff that makes me really evaluate the stuff of importance and lasting impacts. The major of the world doesn't get to change jobs/locations/projects when the fun stuff becomes common.

I think that's why Judaism and some historic Christianity honored cyclical rituals and stories, to keep breathing spiritual life in to daily life. God is here and now, if and when I have eyes to see and ears to hear.

I am not very good at some rhythms or rituals but I am learning.

Accept and receive

As I prepare my time with my Soul Dig companions I am comforted and loved to see how much Jesus loves us, by giving us the Holy Spirit. For years I felt like I knew Jesus and I knew God but the Holy Spirit was a mystery to me. I always thought my relationship with God was about what I did; rather it seems to be that it is more about what He does. I am to receive, accept, not run.

For a culture that is filled with “takers” and consumerism, it is amazing that we have such a difficult time receiving the awesome gifts of the Father.

I Hurt

I am thankful that God has given me the gift of having a spiritual director. Sherri and I have been together for 3.5 years. God’s Spirit speaks in and through Sherri to me, giving me perspective, teaching me, loving me and guiding me.

The other day, Sherri said the words I wasn’t able to say alone. My journey is painful at this time. Obviously I am aware that I am hurting, but I’ve resisted saying the words aloud.

I hurt. My body is hurting, my hip, my leg, my back, my knee. Sometimes it is an ache, sometimes it is pain. I hurt when I stand, when I sit, when I walk, when I lie down. I hurt. I don’t sleep well because I hurt. My stomach is hurting because of all the Aleve I’ve been popping to fix the body hurts! My heart is hurting with the loss of my dad.

There have been some days that I just want to stay in bed and I sleep. I have given myself grace and have had numerous lazy days and this winter I’ve been knitting a lot. But I also know and believe that my healing – physically, emotionally and spiritually - will primarily take place in the context of my daily life over many, many days. Days that will be filled with ordinary activities of making meals, baking bread, working, doing homework with the kids, watching NCIS, and serving others, and soon gardening!

The other day Len Sweet described three different landscapes.
1. The desert is a place to hang low and do a lot of thinking and reflecting
2. The mountains are a place to go to gain a big picture perspective on life
3. The sea is a place to go for healing and refreshing

Water is and will play a major part of my journey and healing.

Jesus has so much to teach me

Mark 1.29-40 is a favorite scripture passage for me. The scripture says that the whole town came to Jesus after sunset and he spent a long evening healing many people. Then early the next morning while it was still dark out, Jesus went out to a quiet place to pray.

I wonder what Jesus said to his Father that morning. Did he say that he was tired? That it was hard having ALL those people want his attention and healing? Did he just “sit” with his Father in the quietness?

I love that after a very intense time of ministry Jesus knew himself well enough to find some alone time.

Some alone time is “check out” time. To become a couch potato or a mindless sponge, lounge in my pj's all day and do nothing productive. Sometimes I need time like that. But I have found another type of “check out” time that is restorative. It is time alone in the presence of perfect love and peace. I can imagine myself being held and embraced in the arms of my Abba, Father. I can imagine the Father looking tenderly at me, his daughter and enjoying those quiet moments.

Hope

With God as my shepherd, I lack for nothing.
All that I need will be taken care.
HOPE FAITH TRUST

I’m tired and I hurt,
but I have hope in a bright tomorrow.
Spring is in the air, the magnolia tree blooms are getting greener.
Spring is coming, the days are getting longer.

Winter has been long and dark, it took my friend and my father
but Spring brings a new season.
A season of warmth and growth,
A season of new life.

Everything has the potential to draw me closer to God my Father.
Do not try to escape or remove the very things
that God uses to shape me into
who he wants me to become.

It is all good.

I believe but help my unbelief

Jesus grew in wisdom, knowledge & intimacy

I believe Jesus’ worked hard to develop a relationship with his father, God creator of the universe. I believe Jesus’ relationship with his Father was priority and Jesus invested time learning his father’s heart, so that he could share that with others. Jesus sought his father’s counsel, Jesus prayed to the Father for guidance, Jesus grew in his relationship with his Father, just like we grow in our relationships with others and God the Father. The relationship was there for Jesus to choose, to nurture, and to make a priority or NOT.

Jesus sought out the Father for comfort, relationship and guidance. (Mark 2.18)

Jesus could fulfill the will of the Father, because he had spent years growing in intimacy with the Father. Doing what the Father asked of him was not a walk in the park. Following the Father’s will required sacrifice, submission, and trust/faith. It required Jesus to die to himself, his own desires and will, his ego and completely trust His Father. The death was both figuratively and literal.

Jesus’ choice to completely submit to the Father did not happen one time at his trail, cruxification and death. Jesus had daily opportunities to trust and choose the Father’s way over his own way. Jesus grew and learned to trust His Father. Jesus knew the love of the Father so completely that he was willing to let of his ego and say Yes to the Father.

Getting a glimpse of Jesus' own spiritual formation has helped my own journey with the Father.