Grief - II

I know and believe all the right stuff, I have all the hope and confidence in our future with Jesus Christ. . . but I miss Kris.

Her smile, her shuffled feet that I immediately recognized as she walked down the office hallway, her encouragement and joy. The way she touched my kids' lives, bringing pizza and ice cream for dinner and playing Wii games with us. For tucking my kids into bed and doing her famous, "X marks the spot, dot dot dot, comma, comma, comma, question mark. . . "

Grief comes in different ways and at different times. The day of Kris' memorial service I came home and cooked and cleaned for five hours. I have been tired and sad.

My spiritual director asked if I had taken some time off to grieve. If I thought it would help, I would, but it seems that my grief just oozes out at different parts of my day. So I haven't set aside a time to grieve. I just get up early in the morning and cry.

As these moments of grief come I need to embrace it and not ignore the feelings.

I miss my friend, Kris.
I miss both of my friends, Randy and Kris.

Grief

I'm tired.
I think I'm tired because I am sad.
I am sad because I lost another friend to cancer -
Cancer SUCKS

I called my parents
and setup a lunch date with them for next week.
My parents are old, very old and tired.

I'm tired and I'm grieving.

Traveling Further Inward and Upward

On February 18, 2009 my friend Kris joined my other friend, Randy on the journey - further inward and upward into the presence of Jesus.

Her passing has prompted several conversations with my kids about death and heaven. I described heaven as living with HD TV, it's a new dimension, a new reality, where Kris is constantly in the presence of Jesus. Then the kids and talked about what birds might be there in heaven, cause I'm sure that there will be birds.

Presence: Kris was always present with whomever she was with.

Service: Although Kris battled her cancer for 9 years, she continued to serve others. For over 2 years, she faithfully came to the church office to work with me. She listened to my ideas, gave me feedback, she encouraged her, she sent out hundreds of thank you notes and cards to WWKids volunteers. Kris volunteered at hospice, which I found every interesting.

Humor: Kris had a great sense of humor. She always joked about her "chemo brain" or she would let me know when she was getting a dose of steriods so that I could have lots for her to do, because she could go 2-3 days without sleep when she was on steriods.

There was a woman at church who helped clean each week, but I could not remember her name. So each week we made Kris ask the lady her name, because Kris would blame it on her chemo brian!

She often was taking her chemo treatment "on the go". They hooked her up to her bag and she just went about doing life when dangerous chemicals were being pumped into her body. The one day she called me and said she'd be late for work, cause she chemo bag broke and split in the store and she needed to take care of it!

Attitude: Whenever someone asked Kris "how are you doing" she responded, "Thankful for another day of life," and she was!

Having Kris be a part of my life has changed me. I miss her. . .a lot.

Just Family Stuff

Yesterday afternoon we saw the kids' production of "Nate the Great," at Michigan State. Jeff has been reading these books for a couple of years. At the play he leaned over to tell Allie that he would read her one of his books.

Allie sat still and was very focused. Not sure that she understood some of the jokes and stuff, but she loved the dancing and singing. I could see her acting - the drama queen that she is. Seriously she has these songs she sings. If we had a pentocostal background, I'd say that she was speaking in tongues. It may be a mixture of Spanish, Chinese, and some female vocalist like Taylor Swift. The music is creative and the lyrics are pretty good theologically. She sings that "don't be afraid, God and Jesus are there. God loves Jesus and Jesus loves God. . . " Maybe it'll someday replace the age-old "Jesus Loves me" song.

Jeff and I have a student-led parent/teacher conference today. Asked him if there was anything he wanted to tell about BEFORE we went to his conference. He said no, it'll be good. He's a good kid. Then we are just hanging out at home til the evening. It'll be good to have some one-on-one time with just Jeff.