I decided rather than avoid these three major “issues/circumstances”
My friend’s progressing illness
My elderly parents’ final season of life
My husband’s increasingly demanding job
I would engage myself and allow and invite the Spirit
into my space
to teach, guide and comfort me
along each of these paths.
By God’s grace
I will do “the work” that is laid out before me.
And through “the work” my heart will be transformed
and I will become more and more, my true-self.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Gently Lead
I have been ignoring some inner movements and promptings of the Spirit. My quiet, still space has been filled with blogging, class work, reading, and WWKids’ work. I have been avoiding this silent time and filling it with “good things.”
Why?
Why do I refuse to be still?
What am I avoiding?
In the midst of this season of avoidance I discovered that I have been afraid and angry. I’ve been avoiding facing some painful things:
My friend’s progressing illness
My elderly parents’ final season of life
My husband’s increasingly demanding job
After months of avoidance, the Spirit ever so gently broke through my barriers and encouraged me to engage this part of my journey and no longer avoid.
This “conversion” moment went something like this:
SD: Where does God fit in to these situations?
LT: I haven’t let him in
SD: Why?
LT: I don’t want to go there
SD: Why?
LT: I don’t want to hurt that much
SD: Aren’t you already hurting?
LT: Yes, I’m hurting while I try not to hurt
SD: What if I went with you to that place? I’ll hold you and cry with you?
LT: I don’t want to cry.
SD: But you already are. Let me hold you, go with you. If you can’t make it I’ll carry you.
LT: OK, but I don’t know how to start.
SD: via Henri Nouwen:. . . . “keep your eyes on Him who becomes poor with the poor, weak with the weak and who is rejected with the rejected. That one, Jesus, is the source of all peace.
Where is his peace to be found? In weakness. Few people are telling us this truth, but there is peace to be found in our own weakness, in those places of our heart where we feel most broken, most insecure, most in agony, most afraid. In our weakness we are forced to let go from doing much, thinking much and relying on our self-sufficiency. Right where we are most vulnerable, the peace that is not of this world is mysteriously hidden.
Jesus, teach me to rely on you, on my heavenly Father and on the Holy Spirit rather than my own self-sufficiency.
Why?
Why do I refuse to be still?
What am I avoiding?
In the midst of this season of avoidance I discovered that I have been afraid and angry. I’ve been avoiding facing some painful things:
My friend’s progressing illness
My elderly parents’ final season of life
My husband’s increasingly demanding job
After months of avoidance, the Spirit ever so gently broke through my barriers and encouraged me to engage this part of my journey and no longer avoid.
This “conversion” moment went something like this:
SD: Where does God fit in to these situations?
LT: I haven’t let him in
SD: Why?
LT: I don’t want to go there
SD: Why?
LT: I don’t want to hurt that much
SD: Aren’t you already hurting?
LT: Yes, I’m hurting while I try not to hurt
SD: What if I went with you to that place? I’ll hold you and cry with you?
LT: I don’t want to cry.
SD: But you already are. Let me hold you, go with you. If you can’t make it I’ll carry you.
LT: OK, but I don’t know how to start.
SD: via Henri Nouwen:. . . . “keep your eyes on Him who becomes poor with the poor, weak with the weak and who is rejected with the rejected. That one, Jesus, is the source of all peace.
Where is his peace to be found? In weakness. Few people are telling us this truth, but there is peace to be found in our own weakness, in those places of our heart where we feel most broken, most insecure, most in agony, most afraid. In our weakness we are forced to let go from doing much, thinking much and relying on our self-sufficiency. Right where we are most vulnerable, the peace that is not of this world is mysteriously hidden.
Jesus, teach me to rely on you, on my heavenly Father and on the Holy Spirit rather than my own self-sufficiency.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
The first drawing of Mary was done by a 5th grade girl.
The second drawing was done by a 5 year old boy.
The artwork is mixed media: crayon and watercolor.
The artwork is mixed media: crayon and watercolor.
This is what I envisioned when we began the K6 Experience Studios at Westwinds Church. A place where kids can explore their relationship and undertanding of God, through various avenues - one being art. I love that the art studio doesn't make a perscribed "craft." Through the leadership and guidance of our talented Art Studio director, Sheryl Tolonen, our kids are encouraged to use their imagination. In essence the kids' creations, become a prayer to God. Offering up their heart felt thoughts that may not always come out through verbal expression.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Play time
Wednesday morning when I got up there were 3-4 inches of powdery snow. Normally I'm only outside for only a few minutes with the dog, but this morning we walked down the middle of the snow covered road.
It was beautiful, it was deeply silent, it was lonely, it was holy.
. . . fast track 15 hours ahead - it's 7:00p, it was still dark and cold but beautiful - I'm outside again with the dog and Allie as well. She's taking the dog potty, while I shovel snow. Jeff bursts out the door and takes Allie to the incline off the deck and the kids begin to slide down the hill. No snow pants, just the nylon from their jackets to slide down the hill. . . I'll see if my plants come up in the spring. . . We all came in and had hot chocolate and went to bed by 8:45!
When Allie and I got home this afternoon the first thing Jeff said to Allie was, "quick get your snow pants on and let's play before dinner." They were outside for 45 minutes playing with dog, sledding down this 10-foot little mound, having a great time. I was jealous, I wanted to play but I had to make dinner.
I love that my kids like to play in snow. If you haven't already, get yourself some good winter clothes and get outside. It's good for the soul!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Love my kids. . .
I am so proud of my kids. I took the day of work Thursday to go to 3 doctor appointments and do some Christmas shopping.
We started off the morning at the dentist for our 6-month cleaning. Both kids did great, no fussing or crying. I have heard horror stories about kids at the doctor's office. I've even witnesses other families’ horror moments. I'm so thankful that that is one thing I haven't had to deal with.
After the dentist, poor Jeff had to go to school, but Allie went on to visit the dermatologist a.k.a the "itch doctor." We can be driving down the road and Allie will beginning screaming. She has an itch that she can't get to. It's kinda funny, but seriously it also very frustrating and loud for all who are present.
We finished there and had lunch at Allie’s favorite place – China House. She’s buddies with the owner, named Johnnie. He always calls her by her Chinese name, Min-Min. But interestingly she told me that she didn’t like to be called that, she just wants to be “Allie.”
Then the big finale, Allie needed 4 immunization shots. I hadn’t told her why we were going to this last doctor. I didn’t want her worrying about it. But on the drive over to the office I told her about when Jeff was 5 years old and he got his shots. I told her how good he did. I let her pinch my arm and then I pinched her so she could get an idea of how it might feel. I don’t usually bribe my kids, but I bought her a small purse with lipstick and nail polish. I let her take it into the doctors, but she couldn’t open it until we were done. She did soooo awesome and so did the nurse who gave each shot quickly. On shot 4 she whimpered a bit, but that was it.
. . . the rest of the day she played it up BIG. Don’t touch me, my shots hurts. Or I can’t do that because my shots hurt. I can’t go to sleep, my shots hurts. . . . All is forgotten and we won’t need any more shots for 7 years!
We started off the morning at the dentist for our 6-month cleaning. Both kids did great, no fussing or crying. I have heard horror stories about kids at the doctor's office. I've even witnesses other families’ horror moments. I'm so thankful that that is one thing I haven't had to deal with.
After the dentist, poor Jeff had to go to school, but Allie went on to visit the dermatologist a.k.a the "itch doctor." We can be driving down the road and Allie will beginning screaming. She has an itch that she can't get to. It's kinda funny, but seriously it also very frustrating and loud for all who are present.
We finished there and had lunch at Allie’s favorite place – China House. She’s buddies with the owner, named Johnnie. He always calls her by her Chinese name, Min-Min. But interestingly she told me that she didn’t like to be called that, she just wants to be “Allie.”
Then the big finale, Allie needed 4 immunization shots. I hadn’t told her why we were going to this last doctor. I didn’t want her worrying about it. But on the drive over to the office I told her about when Jeff was 5 years old and he got his shots. I told her how good he did. I let her pinch my arm and then I pinched her so she could get an idea of how it might feel. I don’t usually bribe my kids, but I bought her a small purse with lipstick and nail polish. I let her take it into the doctors, but she couldn’t open it until we were done. She did soooo awesome and so did the nurse who gave each shot quickly. On shot 4 she whimpered a bit, but that was it.
. . . the rest of the day she played it up BIG. Don’t touch me, my shots hurts. Or I can’t do that because my shots hurt. I can’t go to sleep, my shots hurts. . . . All is forgotten and we won’t need any more shots for 7 years!
Friday, December 12, 2008
Beautiful inside and out
I love to learn. Well let’s be totally honest, I love to learn about things that interest me.
Just the other day, I told Dave McDonald that I have NO interest at all in learning to be a technical literate person. I love my computer when it works, but don’t ask me to problem-solve a technical problem. I’d rather slit my wrists! To be totally honest (again) I usually whine and cry and then beg someone to help me.
Just the other day, I told Dave McDonald that I have NO interest at all in learning to be a technical literate person. I love my computer when it works, but don’t ask me to problem-solve a technical problem. I’d rather slit my wrists! To be totally honest (again) I usually whine and cry and then beg someone to help me.
One of the things I do love to learn about is relationships. I am always on the look out for couples who have a solid marriage. I watch parents as they interact with their children (extending a lot of grace, because I know that my kids can drive me crazy.) I look for ways that I can be a better wife and mother.
Most recently the relationship that has captured my attention is Mary, a young woman/girl of approximately 15 years old and her mom and dad. You know Mary the mother of Jesus?
As a mom of two young kids, I wonder, what did her parents do to raise such an amazing kid? An angel comes out of nowhere and asks Mary to do this most bizarre thing and she says "Yes!" (see Luke 1.38)
If I could interview Mary these are some questions I would ask:
What was your home like?
Did you get along with your mom? what about your dad?
What was your birth order? Are you first born?
Did your parents tell you bedtime stories?
What were your favorite stories from the Torah?
Esther, a woman of courage and strength or maybe it was Ruth?
Continuing the interview with Mary’s mom and dad:
Did you ever imagine your daughter coming home and saying, "Something really strange happened today..."?
Your daughter seems to have a lot of inner confidence, how did you nurture that as a child? particularly with a daughter?
What was one hope or dream you had for Mary?
As parents what did you do that instilled God’s beauty in your daughter? (see Luke 1.28)
My 4-year-old daughter stands in front of the bathroom mirror. She combs her hair and sings to herself "I’m so pretttttyyy". (Ben Redmond’s daughter is 8 and he assures me that this mirror fascination thing is quite normal). However, I still worry that I am raising a vain child!
As I prepare my heart for Christmas, I am going to spend some time with Mary’s family, reflecting on how I can prepare my daughter and myself to become "beautiful with God’s beauty, Beautiful inside and out?" (see Luke 1.28)
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Thanks
My heart is filled with love and gratitude
- thank you to everyone who gave to the WW's staff Christmas gift
- thank you to everyone who gave to the WW's staff Christmas gift
Monday, December 8, 2008
Great Weekend
My kids saw Amanda their babysitter three nites last week. That's pretty hectic for home bodies like us. It was all good stuff but still busy.
Friday we had a staff/elder Christmas party. I laughed so much that my body hurt when I left the party. We were asked to bring a "marriage enhancement" gift. It got pretty interesting!
Saturday morning the kids and I played in the snow with Jake, then ventured back into the woods behind the pond. It was freezing cold but a lot of fun. We went to the Dalhem nature center, saw Trixies the Turtle. She's our favorite. She rolls over, stays and runs! We picked out our Christmas tree at Gwinn farm, then came home to decorate it. Chelsea my neice who attends Spring Arbor came over and decorated the tree with us and ate a home cooked meal before heading back to SAU to study for finals.
Randy hung all my bird feeders just outside the kitchen window. At one time I counted 7 male cardinals along with some females, 3 bluejays, a tuffed titmouse, a black junco, and a red-bellied woodpecker. I just love to watch the birds come and go. Beyond the bird feeders it is not uncommon to see the deer. Friday morning, I counted nine deer in the yard.
On the weekends the kids like to sleep together. Which means they go to bed extra early so that they can play longer. Using every blanket they could find, they built a fort in Jeff's bunk bed, then fell asleep with their flashlights on!
We all watched a movie on Sunday night. And I finished my paper and emailed it to Sister Joann. Still have lots of reading and studying to do, but it will come.
Sometimes I almost feel guilty I am so blessed. I can't even begin to count the "good things" I enjoy. I don't think God wants me to feel guilty, just grateful and loved.
It was a great weekend!
Friday we had a staff/elder Christmas party. I laughed so much that my body hurt when I left the party. We were asked to bring a "marriage enhancement" gift. It got pretty interesting!
Saturday morning the kids and I played in the snow with Jake, then ventured back into the woods behind the pond. It was freezing cold but a lot of fun. We went to the Dalhem nature center, saw Trixies the Turtle. She's our favorite. She rolls over, stays and runs! We picked out our Christmas tree at Gwinn farm, then came home to decorate it. Chelsea my neice who attends Spring Arbor came over and decorated the tree with us and ate a home cooked meal before heading back to SAU to study for finals.
Randy hung all my bird feeders just outside the kitchen window. At one time I counted 7 male cardinals along with some females, 3 bluejays, a tuffed titmouse, a black junco, and a red-bellied woodpecker. I just love to watch the birds come and go. Beyond the bird feeders it is not uncommon to see the deer. Friday morning, I counted nine deer in the yard.
On the weekends the kids like to sleep together. Which means they go to bed extra early so that they can play longer. Using every blanket they could find, they built a fort in Jeff's bunk bed, then fell asleep with their flashlights on!
We all watched a movie on Sunday night. And I finished my paper and emailed it to Sister Joann. Still have lots of reading and studying to do, but it will come.
Sometimes I almost feel guilty I am so blessed. I can't even begin to count the "good things" I enjoy. I don't think God wants me to feel guilty, just grateful and loved.
It was a great weekend!
Friday, December 5, 2008
Holy Spirit - named Sally
Like lots of guys, my husband loves electronic toys and recently purchased a GPS. And like many wives, I don’t always “appreciate” the new toys. I can read maps and have a great sense of direction, why do we need another electronic toy? So....
We’ve only been to my friend’s lake house once or twice, and my husband decided to use the GPS and see how it took us there. The GPS’s voice “Sally” tells us to go beyond the road where we have turned before. Then it takes us on a dirt road/path that is a dead end. “Sally” failed. All the while, I’m thinking why are we going a different way, when we already know the way. While I did not verbally say "I told you so" after 10 years of marriage, my husband knew what I was thinking.
In all fairness to my husband’s love of electronic toys, I did steal “Sally” the GPS unit when I went downtown Detroit searching for some obscure streets. “Sally” recalculated every wrong turn I took and still got me to my end distinction. I was very glad to have her with me.
Silly as it may sound, I think that there are some similarities between “Sally the GPS” and the Holy Spirit.
I program in my desired end destination, to become my true-self in Christ. Then I follow the directions provided on the monitor. But frequently I ignore the route provided for various reasons. The kids and I are talking and I honestly get distracted and miss a turn; or I consciously chose to make a detour and stop somewhere else; or I know of a better way and ignore her directions.
Amazingly “Sally” recalculates my route with my end destination in mind. No matter how many times I take wandered off the prescribed path, “Sally” recalculates or re-orients me to my desired destination. “Sally” never yells at me, “Hey stupid, you just missed your turn again;” or complains, “Why bother to have me if you are going to ignore me?” She never comments on my decisions, she gently and non-judgmentally, guides me so that I am re-oriented back towards my end destination.
We’ve only been to my friend’s lake house once or twice, and my husband decided to use the GPS and see how it took us there. The GPS’s voice “Sally” tells us to go beyond the road where we have turned before. Then it takes us on a dirt road/path that is a dead end. “Sally” failed. All the while, I’m thinking why are we going a different way, when we already know the way. While I did not verbally say "I told you so" after 10 years of marriage, my husband knew what I was thinking.
In all fairness to my husband’s love of electronic toys, I did steal “Sally” the GPS unit when I went downtown Detroit searching for some obscure streets. “Sally” recalculated every wrong turn I took and still got me to my end distinction. I was very glad to have her with me.
Silly as it may sound, I think that there are some similarities between “Sally the GPS” and the Holy Spirit.
I program in my desired end destination, to become my true-self in Christ. Then I follow the directions provided on the monitor. But frequently I ignore the route provided for various reasons. The kids and I are talking and I honestly get distracted and miss a turn; or I consciously chose to make a detour and stop somewhere else; or I know of a better way and ignore her directions.
Amazingly “Sally” recalculates my route with my end destination in mind. No matter how many times I take wandered off the prescribed path, “Sally” recalculates or re-orients me to my desired destination. “Sally” never yells at me, “Hey stupid, you just missed your turn again;” or complains, “Why bother to have me if you are going to ignore me?” She never comments on my decisions, she gently and non-judgmentally, guides me so that I am re-oriented back towards my end destination.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Be
I use this prayer to draw myself and others into a contemplative frame of mind:
Be still and know that I God.
Be still and know that I am.
Be still and know.
Be still.
Be. Richard Rohr, Everything Belongs
Be still and know that I God.
Be still and know that I am.
Be still and know.
Be still.
Be. Richard Rohr, Everything Belongs
Monday, December 1, 2008
Be Still
The Spirit
can influence and guide me
only to the extent
I am in touch with my inner self.
Richard Hauser
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