A heart of thanksgiving. . .
"I am sure we all know that I am one of the most thankful people in this world today, not just because of my freedom, but because of all of you. I wish you could feel my heart beating as I try and share my thankfulness with and for you. I will be blessed to be with my entire family at our home this Thanksgiving. My first one in 45 years.
I think of each of you, one by one and simply say 'Thank you."
- Bill
NOTE: My parents kinda adopted Bill 50+ years ago. He's always been a part of our family, even though he was not physically able to be present. He's like a big brother that has come home to be part of our family.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Stories of Transformation
Over the last couple of weeks I have been encouraged by the stories I've been hearing. Stories of how God is changing people's hearts. While each of us are on an individual journey we still need the community. Our community is the place where we have reality checks, where our stories can encourage, challenge, direct and even correct others.
Here's what I've hearing:
ONE: The other week I really didn't want to be here at church with the kids. I had a grumpy attitude. But when I was in the Music & Motion Studio the kids were singing this song (Note it was one I didn't like!) and this little third grader who was next to me began to sing. As I listened to her sing with love and conviction, God melted my heart. I knew I was where I needed to me.
TWO: Lately I've evaluating everything I do and how I spend my time. Does it draw me closer to God? Is it a neutral experience? Does it draw me away from God? I feel like God is asking me to be more intentional about how I live everyday. Did that conversation, did that book, did that gathering, did that movie draw me towards God or did I feel distanced from him?
THREE: The other day I made all sorts of changes on an organizational chart to help this older volunteer feel good about what we were doing. The way I had created the chart made more sense to me, but it wasn't "the way it was done" before. So I decided that instead of arguing with this lady that I would willingly accommodate her "anal retentive neediness" (Lori's words) and give her what she wanted. I didn't give in to her out of anger or frustration, I did what I did to help her.
FOUR: A friend shared that when her new grandbaby was born, the other grandma kinda pushed her way into the hospital room and monopolized the parents and newborn's attention. She said, "I was angry and hurt but for the sake of the relationship with my kids I remained quiet." It was really hard to do that, but it was the right thing to do.
Each of these stories is about transformation. When you give up something you really would rather hang onto - your time, your chart, your desires - you "die" to yourself and become more like Jesus. Transformation costs you something. (It hurts to become real - The Velveteen Rabbit) Transformation happens when we let go of something to receive a "new, better" something.
Here's what I've hearing:
ONE: The other week I really didn't want to be here at church with the kids. I had a grumpy attitude. But when I was in the Music & Motion Studio the kids were singing this song (Note it was one I didn't like!) and this little third grader who was next to me began to sing. As I listened to her sing with love and conviction, God melted my heart. I knew I was where I needed to me.
TWO: Lately I've evaluating everything I do and how I spend my time. Does it draw me closer to God? Is it a neutral experience? Does it draw me away from God? I feel like God is asking me to be more intentional about how I live everyday. Did that conversation, did that book, did that gathering, did that movie draw me towards God or did I feel distanced from him?
THREE: The other day I made all sorts of changes on an organizational chart to help this older volunteer feel good about what we were doing. The way I had created the chart made more sense to me, but it wasn't "the way it was done" before. So I decided that instead of arguing with this lady that I would willingly accommodate her "anal retentive neediness" (Lori's words) and give her what she wanted. I didn't give in to her out of anger or frustration, I did what I did to help her.
FOUR: A friend shared that when her new grandbaby was born, the other grandma kinda pushed her way into the hospital room and monopolized the parents and newborn's attention. She said, "I was angry and hurt but for the sake of the relationship with my kids I remained quiet." It was really hard to do that, but it was the right thing to do.
Each of these stories is about transformation. When you give up something you really would rather hang onto - your time, your chart, your desires - you "die" to yourself and become more like Jesus. Transformation costs you something. (It hurts to become real - The Velveteen Rabbit) Transformation happens when we let go of something to receive a "new, better" something.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Detour from Matthew - kinda
For consistency of flow I could say that I'm still stuck in Matthew and move on to the second temptation. But I can't. I'm still stuck but in a way that I did not expect. I kinda have taken a detour. And my spiritual journey is full of detours. Things that I encounter that I did not expect.
THE OBSERVATION
The other week was very busy, really it was too busy for me.
From a Saturday/Sunday soccer tournament,
to dinner with niece on Monday,
to a visit with the Ganton residents on Tuesday,
to the Centre on Wednesday,
to Nurtured Heart parenting class on Thursday,
to meal montage on Friday.
The SELF-EXAMINATION & REFLECTION
In the past I would have listed ALL these things like it was badge. The one with the most activities WIN! But I don't think that now. While all of these activities were good and primarily focused on relationships, I was exhausted and didn't feel great and my daughter was sick. Is there a correlation or just a coincidence? I can't say for certain, but I do know my own tendencies to over extend myself and my need to guard against that.
I need to ask the deeper questions of myself and my motives. . . The First Temptation of Christ (Success). The first temptation of Christ, to turn stones into bread (Matthew 4.13) is the need to be effective, successful, relevant, to make things happen. You've done something and people say, "Wow! Good job! You did it right. You're OK." When the crowds approve, it's hard not to believe that we have done a good thing and probably God's will.
The SELF DISCOVERY
Oooooohhh. This is me. This is really me without the Spirit's guidance. I can so easily equate busyiness with being productive and feeling good about myself.
The RESPONSE
In the past this information, this self-realization could have lead me to "beat myself up" for days. If you have ever beat yourself up you know exactly what I am saying. It's a head game of self talk that says things like, "You are sooo stupid. I can't believe you did this AGAIN! It's your fault, you should know better than this. You're a leader at the church, how can you help others when your life is soo screwed up. You're a fraud. If people really knew how you lived your life, you wouldn't even have a job." WOW, those statements flowed pretty easy.
I have found that kind of self-talk is Satan accusing me. . . that famous comment, "If people really knew _______ (fill in the blank) this about me, they'd be out of here." I believe that when the Spirit reveals these things to me, She does so to help guide and direct me. This information is not used to condemn or beat myself up but rather to help me move forward with more self-awareness and insight.
Spiritual growth happens when we observe, reflect, discover and respond. (That's exactly the flow of the preschool Connection Studio curriculum.) Take some time - in the car, or 5 minutes before you go to bed and mentally run through your day - observe, reflect, discover and respond. Be still and listen to what the Spirit wants to teach you.
THE OBSERVATION
The other week was very busy, really it was too busy for me.
From a Saturday/Sunday soccer tournament,
to dinner with niece on Monday,
to a visit with the Ganton residents on Tuesday,
to the Centre on Wednesday,
to Nurtured Heart parenting class on Thursday,
to meal montage on Friday.
The SELF-EXAMINATION & REFLECTION
In the past I would have listed ALL these things like it was badge. The one with the most activities WIN! But I don't think that now. While all of these activities were good and primarily focused on relationships, I was exhausted and didn't feel great and my daughter was sick. Is there a correlation or just a coincidence? I can't say for certain, but I do know my own tendencies to over extend myself and my need to guard against that.
I need to ask the deeper questions of myself and my motives. . . The First Temptation of Christ (Success). The first temptation of Christ, to turn stones into bread (Matthew 4.13) is the need to be effective, successful, relevant, to make things happen. You've done something and people say, "Wow! Good job! You did it right. You're OK." When the crowds approve, it's hard not to believe that we have done a good thing and probably God's will.
The SELF DISCOVERY
Oooooohhh. This is me. This is really me without the Spirit's guidance. I can so easily equate busyiness with being productive and feeling good about myself.
The RESPONSE
In the past this information, this self-realization could have lead me to "beat myself up" for days. If you have ever beat yourself up you know exactly what I am saying. It's a head game of self talk that says things like, "You are sooo stupid. I can't believe you did this AGAIN! It's your fault, you should know better than this. You're a leader at the church, how can you help others when your life is soo screwed up. You're a fraud. If people really knew how you lived your life, you wouldn't even have a job." WOW, those statements flowed pretty easy.
I have found that kind of self-talk is Satan accusing me. . . that famous comment, "If people really knew _______ (fill in the blank) this about me, they'd be out of here." I believe that when the Spirit reveals these things to me, She does so to help guide and direct me. This information is not used to condemn or beat myself up but rather to help me move forward with more self-awareness and insight.
Spiritual growth happens when we observe, reflect, discover and respond. (That's exactly the flow of the preschool Connection Studio curriculum.) Take some time - in the car, or 5 minutes before you go to bed and mentally run through your day - observe, reflect, discover and respond. Be still and listen to what the Spirit wants to teach you.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Silent Retreats - @ home
My spiritual director mentioned to me that she was planning a silent retreat at home. Her husband was going out of town for several days and she would be home alone. So she planned to "retreat" at her home. This conversation invited me to explore this type of retreat experience as well.
Most of the time I have a day off during the week and I'm pretty much alone while the kids are at school and Randy is working. I've started having some personal mini-retreats.Once the kids are at school I don't have the TV, radio or iPod on. I may have an extended period of time to read or write. I try to schedule in a nap and if possible a period of time where I'm outside, walking, hiking, gardening etc.
What I do is not as important as where my focus is at. During this periods of silence/retreat/ sabbath I try to be very aware of my surroundings and what is happening within me. I reflect more indepth on recent conversations or situations. I explore the various feelings I've experienced such as inadequacy or anger within myself. I ask the Spirit to teach me and show me what really is happening in my soul and then I listen.
I listen for the Spirit while I go about my day cleaning the house, gardening or doing some other activity that does not require a whole lot of mental energy.
Most of the time I have a day off during the week and I'm pretty much alone while the kids are at school and Randy is working. I've started having some personal mini-retreats.Once the kids are at school I don't have the TV, radio or iPod on. I may have an extended period of time to read or write. I try to schedule in a nap and if possible a period of time where I'm outside, walking, hiking, gardening etc.
What I do is not as important as where my focus is at. During this periods of silence/retreat/ sabbath I try to be very aware of my surroundings and what is happening within me. I reflect more indepth on recent conversations or situations. I explore the various feelings I've experienced such as inadequacy or anger within myself. I ask the Spirit to teach me and show me what really is happening in my soul and then I listen.
I listen for the Spirit while I go about my day cleaning the house, gardening or doing some other activity that does not require a whole lot of mental energy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)