For consistency of flow I could say that I'm still stuck in Matthew and move on to the second temptation. But I can't. I'm still stuck but in a way that I did not expect. I kinda have taken a detour. And my spiritual journey is full of detours. Things that I encounter that I did not expect.
THE OBSERVATION
The other week was very busy, really it was too busy for me.
From a Saturday/Sunday soccer tournament,
to dinner with niece on Monday,
to a visit with the Ganton residents on Tuesday,
to the Centre on Wednesday,
to Nurtured Heart parenting class on Thursday,
to meal montage on Friday.
The SELF-EXAMINATION & REFLECTION
In the past I would have listed ALL these things like it was badge. The one with the most activities WIN! But I don't think that now. While all of these activities were good and primarily focused on relationships, I was exhausted and didn't feel great and my daughter was sick. Is there a correlation or just a coincidence? I can't say for certain, but I do know my own tendencies to over extend myself and my need to guard against that.
I need to ask the deeper questions of myself and my motives. . . The First Temptation of Christ (Success). The first temptation of Christ, to turn stones into bread (Matthew 4.13) is the need to be effective, successful, relevant, to make things happen. You've done something and people say, "Wow! Good job! You did it right. You're OK." When the crowds approve, it's hard not to believe that we have done a good thing and probably God's will.
The SELF DISCOVERY
Oooooohhh. This is me. This is really me without the Spirit's guidance. I can so easily equate busyiness with being productive and feeling good about myself.
The RESPONSE
In the past this information, this self-realization could have lead me to "beat myself up" for days. If you have ever beat yourself up you know exactly what I am saying. It's a head game of self talk that says things like, "You are sooo stupid. I can't believe you did this AGAIN! It's your fault, you should know better than this. You're a leader at the church, how can you help others when your life is soo screwed up. You're a fraud. If people really knew how you lived your life, you wouldn't even have a job." WOW, those statements flowed pretty easy.
I have found that kind of self-talk is Satan accusing me. . . that famous comment, "If people really knew _______ (fill in the blank) this about me, they'd be out of here." I believe that when the Spirit reveals these things to me, She does so to help guide and direct me. This information is not used to condemn or beat myself up but rather to help me move forward with more self-awareness and insight.
Spiritual growth happens when we observe, reflect, discover and respond. (That's exactly the flow of the preschool Connection Studio curriculum.) Take some time - in the car, or 5 minutes before you go to bed and mentally run through your day - observe, reflect, discover and respond. Be still and listen to what the Spirit wants to teach you.
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