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On May 7, 2010 I received my Doctorate of Ministry diploma through the Graduate Theological Foundation, in South Bend, Indiana.
The degree is in Spiritual Direction and was earned through course work from the Marywood Dominican Center in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

An awesome day of celebrating with my family and friends.

Mother's Day - a poem

M = makes the best food
O = ongoing fun
T = the worlds #1 mom
H = has a very funny walk
E = eats real healthy food
R = respects nature

Jeff’s gift to me on Mother’s Day.

I was both humbled and affirmed at how well my son knows me. He is a great kid with a big heart.

Mother's Day

Mother’s day was special, full of hand written notes from the kids. In a quiet moment, I asked my daughter if she ever thought about her China momma.
She commented that she didn’t know what her China mom looked like.
Yes, you are right. We don’t know what she looked like, I replied.
She asked, do I have a China daddy? Yes, I replied.
Do I have a China brother? We don’t know if you had a China brother.
Why didn’t my China mom keep me?

With my heart breaking, I replied with the best answer I have. “I don’t know for sure why she didn’t keep you. Perhaps she did have any way to care for you, no food or money. But she got you to a safe place, an orphanage, where the nannies took care of you. . . That’s where I met you.”

“What’s an orphanage?” she asked. It’s a safe place where kids live when their mom or dad can’t take care of them.
“Did you pick me out?” she asked. No, I replied. We met with a lady who learned about our family and she “painted” a picture of what our family was like and the Chinese people thought you would fit best into our family. . . I think you fit perfectly into our family

Directed Silent Retreat - my question

Mary Magdalene
Early in the morning
while it was still dark
Mary went to the tomb.

Mary stayed
cried
looked in the tomb

Mary saw Jesus
but did not realize it was Him
Until He said her name - Mary

Mary believed. (john 10.11)

Mary was exhausted, she was tired and she was hurting deeply. She had just lost her best friend, Jesus. When most of the others left, Mary stayed at the cross, with Jesus’ mother and aunt. She stayed and witnessed the entire crucifixion.

I can’t imagine the depth of pain that Mary felt when she went to the tomb early that morning. I suspect that she was numb and couldn’t even think straight. When you are hurting as deeply as Mary was, your whole body aches. Every movement is painful. So it is easy to see imagine Mary curled up, weeping. Her eyes are swollen, her head is hurting and her nose is stuffed up. If you have ever hurt this deeply, you can more easily understand how Mary may not have recognized Jesus.

Often I am troubled when I hear someone said that they can’t recognize God. I believe that verse that says, “If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me.” Perhaps I put up barriers that prevent me from seeing God – busyness, ego, knowledge, pain.

What, if any barriers do you have that prevent you from recognizing Jesus?

Directed Silent Retreat - my grace

Mary Magdalene has been a comforting companion to me at this part of my journey. I can relate to her. As I sit with Mary, I feel her loss and pain and share mine as well.During my silent retreat, like Mary, I stayed at the tomb and waited.

Literally I was in the cemetery garden where the dear, faithful, loving nuns were laid to rest. I felt peace and comfort as I sat among the “cloud of witnesses.” It was a sacred and holy place.

While waiting in the garden, Jesus called me. He didn’t call me Lori or even Lori Ann, but rather “my beloved child, my beloved daughter . . . I will carry and hold you!”

I saw the image of a father holding, cradling a tiny newborn baby. That baby was me, an adult me. The Father looked at me with love and joy. He was content to simply hold his beloved child close to his heart.
The Father said, I will feed you . . . concern about my diet
I will carry you . . . concern about my hip
I will provide you a place to stay . . . concern about housing
I will take care of your finances, marriage, children

NOTE: people recognize and hear God in different ways. I have found being silent has opened a segue for the Spirit to speak to me. I share my personal experiences as an invitation for others to seek an intimate, loving relationship with God the Father and Jesus Christ his Son.

Directed Silent Retreat - my prayer

My soul thirsts for you
My body longs for you
I drink in your strength

In your generous love I am really living at last.

You hold me steady as a post. (psalm 69)

You lead me beside quiet waters
You restore my soul and let me catch my breath.

I am not afraid when you walk at my side. (psalm 23)

Everyone who runs to You. . . makes IT! (psalm 18.30)

My strength will come from settling down
in complete dependence on You. (isaiah 30.16)

God's not finished.
He's waiting around to be gracious to me.
He's gathering strength to show mercy to me
God takes the time to do everything right -- EVERYTHING

Those who wait around for Him
are the lucky ones! (isaiah 30.18)

Directed Silent Retreat

Psalm 63
O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you
I can't get enough of you

My soul thirst for you
my body longs for you in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

So here I am in the place of worship -
the woods, my chair

EYES open
drinking in your strength and glory.

In your generous love I am really living at last.

I bless you every t ime I take a breath

...if I am sleepless at midnight or 2 or 3 in the morning,
I spend those hours in grateful reflection.

Directed Silent Retreat - my desire

From the gospel of Mark, chapter 10:46-52. Jesus asks Bartimaeus, "what do you want me to do for you?"

Likewise, Jesus asks me, "Lori, what do you want me to do for you? What is your desire for this silent retreat?"

My reply, "I want you to walk with me through this painful transitional time - physically, emotionally. That is the grace I seek."

Directed Silent Retreat

I took my annual silent retreat in mid-April with four companions from the Soul Dig community. It was the first silent retreat for each of my four companions. A directed silent retreat just means that a spiritual director meets with you throughout the four days. Working through the Spirit, she offers scripture, insight, and questions to assist you on your journey.

This was the nosiest silent retreat I have been on! On the grounds of Victory Noll, about 100 retired sisters lived there, along with the active nuns. We ate our meals with them, although we sat apart. I laughed as I limped along side the elderly nuns as we went through the food line. Many were concerned that I – such a young woman – was limping.

The sisters’ prayers covered the entire weekend experience. The nuns’ physical presence spoke loud to me. I truly felt like I was walking on sacred ground.

The following posting are some special scripture, thoughts and photos from my silent retreat.

Free of Charge

" All things are from God and through God,
and yet I want to be independent of God,
standing on my own two feet,
claiming God's gifts as my own achievement."

When I assert my independence, when I ascribe to myself what comes from God, I wrong God - at least as much as I would wrong an author whose ideas I would peddle as my own. That's our main sin against God the giver. - Miroslav Volf

I am moving into a season of my journey that requires a deeper surrender.

Altar in the World

Prayer, is waking up to the presence of God no matter where I am or what I am doing.- Brother David (178)

I am in prayer when I stand in wonder at the red tail hawk flying over head.
I am in prayer when I prepare a meal to share with my brother & wife and kids.
I am in prayer when I dig in the earth preparing to plant.

Waiting is a kind of prayer. (183)

"While I pray daily to be delivered from the most awful things that can happen to human beings - land mines, wasting illness, killing poverty, civil war - I give thanks for even the semi-terrible things that have happened to me, since they have shown me what is really real. They have made me tell the truth. They have quashed all my illusions of control, leaving me with no alternative but to receive my life as an unmitigated gift.

In the same way that I am willing to thank my husband for a gift even before I have opened it - because I know him, because I trust his love of me, because I have faith we will survive even if he has given me a pneumatic nail gun for my birthday - I am willing to thank God for my life even before I know how it turns out.

This is brave talk, I know, while I can still pay the bills, walk without assistance, and talk someone into going to the movies with me. My hope is that if I can practice saying thank you now, when I still approve of most of what is happening to me, then perhaps that practice will have become habit by the time I do not like muck of anything that is happening to me. The plan is to replace approval with gratitude. The plan is to take what is as God's ongoing answer to me." (184)