Nah, not really. But I love the opening paragraph from a "Tale of Two Cities." I think most of life is like that, a paradox. We think things are either/or, when in reality, as least my own experience it is both/and. It is both the best and worst of times. My day is filled with consolation and desolation, good things and hard things. . . so I try to be conscious of those moments and engage them, not wish them away. I try to see God's movement along the way.
What was the best part of my day?
What was the worst part of my day?
Worst: computer crap at work. The internet was running sooooooooooo slow. It was so frustrating. But even more frustrating was the fact that I allowed it be frustrating and "control" my attitude. Yuck.
Best: fishing. After we ate dinner out on the deck, my husband needed to finish some work. It tears him a part to not spend that time with the kids and me, so I decided to “distract” the kids and we went fishing. Had a new $11 fishing pole, a box of worms – oh yea, no hooks! MORE FRUSTRATION, but this time I handled it a bit better and we ran up to the corner gas station and got the hooks we needed.
Earlier in the summer, I had taught Jeff how to put a worm on a hook. First you squeeze the worm apart and ONLY use a quarter of each night crawler. Then you put the worm on the hook like you are putting on a sock. We’re all set to go. Cast out the line, let the fish nibble on it. Allie catches a 6-7 inch catfish! Excitement, laughter, fear, more jumping up and down, whipping the poor fish around!
I’m thinking, “crap, how am I going to get the thing off the hook?” Is it a myth that catfish have stingers? So I get my garden gloves, use some pliers and yank out the hook. Gross. I enjoy almost all parts of fishing but taking it off the hook. When we tossed the fish back into the pond, it didn’t float to the top, so I’ll take that as a good sign. He’s alive!
Even in the midst of my “ordeal” in which I faced my fear of taking catfish off the line, we had fun. We smelt like worms and fish. Allie caught the biggest fish. We took pictures and made memories, and shared stories about when I was a little girl and went fishing with my dad. My dad will enjoy seeing our pictures and hearing the kids’ fishing stories.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Louella: A story of grace
About 15 years ago, my co-worker/friend, Len Wilson and I interviewed Louella Thompson. She was this beautiful, African American woman who had opened a soup kitchen out of her home. It was named “Feed the Hungry.”
When I asked Louella how this ministry came about, she said one day she heard “God said open your house, feed whoever comes in. Don’t ask questions, just feed them.”
I was younger than, just out of seminary – what I’m saying was I was arrogant and stupid!! – so I asked her, “How did you know it was God who said this to you?”
This gracious, Godly woman looked at me with her beautiful brown eyes. Then she turned to Len and asked, “Len, are you married?” which he replied “yes”. She then asked “when your wife calls on the phone, do you ask ‘who is this?’” “Of course not. I recognize her voice.”
Louella looked back towards me and said, “I know the voice of my Beloved.”
My encounter with Louella changed my life. Her simple but profound words set me on a quest to KNOW and recognize the voice of my Beloved. Thank you, Louella. Your deep love for Jesus has drawn me into her deeper relationship with Him as well. That’s what being in community does.
When I asked Louella how this ministry came about, she said one day she heard “God said open your house, feed whoever comes in. Don’t ask questions, just feed them.”
I was younger than, just out of seminary – what I’m saying was I was arrogant and stupid!! – so I asked her, “How did you know it was God who said this to you?”
This gracious, Godly woman looked at me with her beautiful brown eyes. Then she turned to Len and asked, “Len, are you married?” which he replied “yes”. She then asked “when your wife calls on the phone, do you ask ‘who is this?’” “Of course not. I recognize her voice.”
Louella looked back towards me and said, “I know the voice of my Beloved.”
My encounter with Louella changed my life. Her simple but profound words set me on a quest to KNOW and recognize the voice of my Beloved. Thank you, Louella. Your deep love for Jesus has drawn me into her deeper relationship with Him as well. That’s what being in community does.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
New books
Even though it will be tough getting back into the swing of school, my spiritual direction class and schedule, as well as the kids’ fall schedule, I love getting my new books for class. I love to touch my books, read the backs, look over the table of contents and agonize over . . . what do I read first? Obviously the required readings, but what about the recommended? Where do I start? No real answers, just excitement and anticipation of what lies ahead besides the hard work!!
Will & Spirit – Gerald G. May
“a profound discussion of good, evil, fear, love and energy. . . solid food for the mind and heart to savor slowly.”
Touching the holy – Robert J. Wicks
“ordinariness, self-esteem and friendship”
The Friend of the Bridegroom – Thomas H. Green S.J.
“spiritual direction and the encounter with Christ”
Faithful Listening: Discernment in Everyday Life – Joan Mueller
OHH I need this right now in my life
Tending the Holy: Spiritual Direction Across Traditions – Norvene Vest
I LOVE THIS TITLE – maybe I’ll read it next!
A Mystical Portrait of Jesus: New perspectives on John’s Gospel – Demetrius Dumm
Mother Teresa: Essential Writings - Jean Maalouf
Everything Starts from Prayer - Mother Teresa
. . . and I have more books coming
Will & Spirit – Gerald G. May
“a profound discussion of good, evil, fear, love and energy. . . solid food for the mind and heart to savor slowly.”
Touching the holy – Robert J. Wicks
“ordinariness, self-esteem and friendship”
The Friend of the Bridegroom – Thomas H. Green S.J.
“spiritual direction and the encounter with Christ”
Faithful Listening: Discernment in Everyday Life – Joan Mueller
OHH I need this right now in my life
Tending the Holy: Spiritual Direction Across Traditions – Norvene Vest
I LOVE THIS TITLE – maybe I’ll read it next!
A Mystical Portrait of Jesus: New perspectives on John’s Gospel – Demetrius Dumm
Mother Teresa: Essential Writings - Jean Maalouf
Everything Starts from Prayer - Mother Teresa
. . . and I have more books coming
Monday, August 18, 2008
. . . my progress in living out my life in Christ will be in proportion to the surrender of my own self-love and of my own will and interests. Ignatius (Draw Me into Your Friendship: The Spiritual Exercises by David Fleming, page 145)
Some days are filled with my own self-love and interests. Sometimes I disguise those decisions within the context of “what is best for my family” but it really means what is best for me personally, what I want. “If mamma’s happy everyone is happy.”
Over the years there has been a significant transformation in my life regarding keeping “relationships a priority over tasks.” God has broken my heart and transformed it, particularly in my professional/ministry life. I think I’m moving into a new frontier – my home, my family.
While I have some healthy attitudes about our home life, I am a driven person. I seldom just sit and relax. One weekend after we recently moved into our third “new/different” home (in less than 24 months), I was frustrated because I wasn’t getting everything done that I wanted. I wrote up my TO DO list and had enough good sense to realize I had written down at least 80 hours of work. Two and a half months later and an empty bottle of Aleve, I’m still marking things off that list.
I’m not out to “beat” myself up and who I am; however, I sense – I know – that there are some life style changes that would create a more relaxed environment for my family. There are some things that don’t matter – ugly wallpaper; stacked boxes; a hole in the wall; weedy flower beds, etc. I embarrassed to say that I fill my home time with so many “chores” that I am exhausted and tired with my kids and husband. YUCK – don’t you hate those glimpses into the mirror of self reflection. However awareness is the first step in making changes.
Soooo. . . . last evening in an effort to be more present with my kids and their two cousins, I squirted them with the hose and we tossed eggs! It was fun! This morning we’re having homemade cinnamon rolls and fruit!
Spirit help me to at every point of my day, in every choice that I face to choose relationships over tasks!
Some days are filled with my own self-love and interests. Sometimes I disguise those decisions within the context of “what is best for my family” but it really means what is best for me personally, what I want. “If mamma’s happy everyone is happy.”
Over the years there has been a significant transformation in my life regarding keeping “relationships a priority over tasks.” God has broken my heart and transformed it, particularly in my professional/ministry life. I think I’m moving into a new frontier – my home, my family.
While I have some healthy attitudes about our home life, I am a driven person. I seldom just sit and relax. One weekend after we recently moved into our third “new/different” home (in less than 24 months), I was frustrated because I wasn’t getting everything done that I wanted. I wrote up my TO DO list and had enough good sense to realize I had written down at least 80 hours of work. Two and a half months later and an empty bottle of Aleve, I’m still marking things off that list.
I’m not out to “beat” myself up and who I am; however, I sense – I know – that there are some life style changes that would create a more relaxed environment for my family. There are some things that don’t matter – ugly wallpaper; stacked boxes; a hole in the wall; weedy flower beds, etc. I embarrassed to say that I fill my home time with so many “chores” that I am exhausted and tired with my kids and husband. YUCK – don’t you hate those glimpses into the mirror of self reflection. However awareness is the first step in making changes.
Soooo. . . . last evening in an effort to be more present with my kids and their two cousins, I squirted them with the hose and we tossed eggs! It was fun! This morning we’re having homemade cinnamon rolls and fruit!
Spirit help me to at every point of my day, in every choice that I face to choose relationships over tasks!
Friday, August 15, 2008
Our K6 kids at Westwinds were writing poems about sin/redemption and God. Check out the westwindskids.blogspot for their work.
Here's my attempt at writing poetry.
SIN
false promises
seducing, isolating, destroying
Need to see Jesus
slave
SIN
self seeking
breaking, separating, destroying
Endless cycle of fear
isolation
Here's my attempt at writing poetry.
SIN
false promises
seducing, isolating, destroying
Need to see Jesus
slave
SIN
self seeking
breaking, separating, destroying
Endless cycle of fear
isolation
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Sin - what is it?
In August Westwinds’ K6 experience studios are studying Genesis 3 – the fall and redemption of humankind. Sin is an abstract, complex concept to understand. We’re asking the kids to do some hard work.
Over the month long studio sessions we are asking the kids
to define sin
to determine if some sins were “worse” than others
to describe the nature of sin, and
to identify how we can restore our relationship with God.
Of course in the midst of preparing for the kids, the Spirit is at work in my own life. My understanding of sin is much different today than when I was a child. As a young person my understanding of sin was the “don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t swear, don’t have sex.” Some people would have added “don’t play cards and don’t dance,” but I was much more “liberal” in my theology J. Within my faith community there was definitely a hierarchy of sin.
My friend and boss Dave McDonald (one of the most brilliant people I know! seriously, checkout his blog Guerillahost) defines sin as anything that separates or breaks your relationship with God. Working with kids and quite honestly most adults, I needed a concrete way to describe sin and used the contrast and comparison idea.
sin is self-focused (selfish),
Iove is other-focused (unselfish)
or
sin breaks down
love builds up and restores,
Ultimately the end result of sin a break in my relationship with God.
Looking at sin this way is much more challenging than having a list of 10 things I shouldn’t do like “don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t swear, don’t have sex, don’t play cards, don’t lie, don’t steal, and don’t dance, etc.” That means throughout my day, whenever I make a choice that is focused on my desires over and above other people’s needs and desires, whenever I make a choice that this is more convenient for me; I don’t feel like doing that; I don’t want to make that extra effort – this has the potential to be sin, in my life.
So sometimes reading is a sin for me, not because I’m reading “bad” things, but because I’m using my reading to disengage from others when I really should be engaging.
Sometimes eating is a sin for me, not because food is “bad” but because I’m using food to avoid feeling my real feelings.
I can no longer live by a list of sin, rather I must allow God’s Spirit to guide and show me how to live each moment of my life. . . . . so right now to continue writing my blog, instead of being with my daughter would probably not be honoring to God.. . . so later
Over the month long studio sessions we are asking the kids
to define sin
to determine if some sins were “worse” than others
to describe the nature of sin, and
to identify how we can restore our relationship with God.
Of course in the midst of preparing for the kids, the Spirit is at work in my own life. My understanding of sin is much different today than when I was a child. As a young person my understanding of sin was the “don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t swear, don’t have sex.” Some people would have added “don’t play cards and don’t dance,” but I was much more “liberal” in my theology J. Within my faith community there was definitely a hierarchy of sin.
My friend and boss Dave McDonald (one of the most brilliant people I know! seriously, checkout his blog Guerillahost) defines sin as anything that separates or breaks your relationship with God. Working with kids and quite honestly most adults, I needed a concrete way to describe sin and used the contrast and comparison idea.
sin is self-focused (selfish),
Iove is other-focused (unselfish)
or
sin breaks down
love builds up and restores,
Ultimately the end result of sin a break in my relationship with God.
Looking at sin this way is much more challenging than having a list of 10 things I shouldn’t do like “don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t swear, don’t have sex, don’t play cards, don’t lie, don’t steal, and don’t dance, etc.” That means throughout my day, whenever I make a choice that is focused on my desires over and above other people’s needs and desires, whenever I make a choice that this is more convenient for me; I don’t feel like doing that; I don’t want to make that extra effort – this has the potential to be sin, in my life.
So sometimes reading is a sin for me, not because I’m reading “bad” things, but because I’m using my reading to disengage from others when I really should be engaging.
Sometimes eating is a sin for me, not because food is “bad” but because I’m using food to avoid feeling my real feelings.
I can no longer live by a list of sin, rather I must allow God’s Spirit to guide and show me how to live each moment of my life. . . . . so right now to continue writing my blog, instead of being with my daughter would probably not be honoring to God.. . . so later
The Simple Path
The fruit of silence is
Prayer.
The fruit of prayer is
Faith.
The fruit of faith is
Love.
The fruit of love is
Service.
The fruit of service is
Peace.
- Mother Teresa
a simple path that begins in silence.
Help me slow down, breathe in deeply
rest quietly and listen for Your voice.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
God, puppies and St. Igantius
There are about 5 more weeks before I start the final year in my spiritual direction program. I went online and purchased my books. I can’t imagine how all the pieces of life will fall together this fall, but I am confident that they will.
I picked up David L. Fleming, S.J. book, Draw me into Your Friendship: The Spiritual Exercises. It’s St. Ignatius’ spiritual exercises both a literal translation written 500-600 years ago and a contemporary reading. The spiritual exercises are a 4-week long silent retreat. It was Ignatius’ intense approach to helping others know and experience God. The exercises can also be broken down so that people can do them over an extended period of time.
Examen, basically means to examine; to become more reflective and more aware of God’s presence in my life. It’s been a wonderfully simple, yet effective practice/habit/discipline/exercise to integrate in my life.
Mid day, if I remember, or at bedtime I review the activities and conversations of my day asking myself “What drew me towards God?” and “What drew me away from God?”
What drew me towards God? Simply being with my family and enjoying them. Tonight after dinner, while Randy finished up some work, the kids and I made healthier version of rice krispie treats. Jeff got out the ingredients, measured and stirred, while Allie helped. While the “treats” cooled, we played ping pong and watched Disney’s “Camp Rock.” We simply played together. It was fun.
Years ago I would never have thought that playing with the kids, was Godly or spiritual. Isn’t spiritual watching a “Christian” movie? Today I believe that God loves to play and laugh. I believe that He was filled with enjoyment as my kids and I spent time together, loving, teasing and playing. Imagine that -- a god that loves to laugh and play. I want to follow a God like that.
What drew me away God? My beautiful little puppy, has hit the terrible twos! He doesn’t listen to me. He runs away when I call him. Quite honestly I was very frustrated and angry.
Then I recalled my brother’s words about dog training, if your dog doesn’t listen to you, he doesn’t understand what you want. So I calmed down and walked quietly towards the puppy thinking to myself. . . .
He doesn’t understand that I want to keep him safe.
He doesn’t understand that I want to love him
He doesn’t understand that I want to give him a great life with our family
He doesn’t understand that running away from me will NOT get him the things he thinks he wants - freedom, deer droppings, rotting apples, etc.
I wonder if God, My Father ever thinks the same thing about me? He wants to love, protect and care for me, but I’m so busy running around that I don’t hear Him quietly calling my name. Inviting me to come back home, where I’ll find everything and more that I long for and need.
I picked up David L. Fleming, S.J. book, Draw me into Your Friendship: The Spiritual Exercises. It’s St. Ignatius’ spiritual exercises both a literal translation written 500-600 years ago and a contemporary reading. The spiritual exercises are a 4-week long silent retreat. It was Ignatius’ intense approach to helping others know and experience God. The exercises can also be broken down so that people can do them over an extended period of time.
Examen, basically means to examine; to become more reflective and more aware of God’s presence in my life. It’s been a wonderfully simple, yet effective practice/habit/discipline/exercise to integrate in my life.
Mid day, if I remember, or at bedtime I review the activities and conversations of my day asking myself “What drew me towards God?” and “What drew me away from God?”
What drew me towards God? Simply being with my family and enjoying them. Tonight after dinner, while Randy finished up some work, the kids and I made healthier version of rice krispie treats. Jeff got out the ingredients, measured and stirred, while Allie helped. While the “treats” cooled, we played ping pong and watched Disney’s “Camp Rock.” We simply played together. It was fun.
Years ago I would never have thought that playing with the kids, was Godly or spiritual. Isn’t spiritual watching a “Christian” movie? Today I believe that God loves to play and laugh. I believe that He was filled with enjoyment as my kids and I spent time together, loving, teasing and playing. Imagine that -- a god that loves to laugh and play. I want to follow a God like that.
What drew me away God? My beautiful little puppy, has hit the terrible twos! He doesn’t listen to me. He runs away when I call him. Quite honestly I was very frustrated and angry.
Then I recalled my brother’s words about dog training, if your dog doesn’t listen to you, he doesn’t understand what you want. So I calmed down and walked quietly towards the puppy thinking to myself. . . .
He doesn’t understand that I want to keep him safe.
He doesn’t understand that I want to love him
He doesn’t understand that I want to give him a great life with our family
He doesn’t understand that running away from me will NOT get him the things he thinks he wants - freedom, deer droppings, rotting apples, etc.
I wonder if God, My Father ever thinks the same thing about me? He wants to love, protect and care for me, but I’m so busy running around that I don’t hear Him quietly calling my name. Inviting me to come back home, where I’ll find everything and more that I long for and need.
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