lori

. . . my progress in living out my life in Christ will be in proportion to the surrender of my own self-love and of my own will and interests. Ignatius (Draw Me into Your Friendship: The Spiritual Exercises by David Fleming, page 145)

Some days are filled with my own self-love and interests. Sometimes I disguise those decisions within the context of “what is best for my family” but it really means what is best for me personally, what I want. “If mamma’s happy everyone is happy.”

Over the years there has been a significant transformation in my life regarding keeping “relationships a priority over tasks.” God has broken my heart and transformed it, particularly in my professional/ministry life. I think I’m moving into a new frontier – my home, my family.

While I have some healthy attitudes about our home life, I am a driven person. I seldom just sit and relax. One weekend after we recently moved into our third “new/different” home (in less than 24 months), I was frustrated because I wasn’t getting everything done that I wanted. I wrote up my TO DO list and had enough good sense to realize I had written down at least 80 hours of work. Two and a half months later and an empty bottle of Aleve, I’m still marking things off that list.

I’m not out to “beat” myself up and who I am; however, I sense – I know – that there are some life style changes that would create a more relaxed environment for my family. There are some things that don’t matter – ugly wallpaper; stacked boxes; a hole in the wall; weedy flower beds, etc. I embarrassed to say that I fill my home time with so many “chores” that I am exhausted and tired with my kids and husband. YUCK – don’t you hate those glimpses into the mirror of self reflection. However awareness is the first step in making changes.

Soooo. . . . last evening in an effort to be more present with my kids and their two cousins, I squirted them with the hose and we tossed eggs! It was fun! This morning we’re having homemade cinnamon rolls and fruit!

Spirit help me to at every point of my day, in every choice that I face to choose relationships over tasks!