Dancing in the Fog - a paschal mystery

I sensed a change in me beginning back in May – Mother’s day, the last weekend of my spiritual direction practicum, the weekend Conrad came. It marked the beginning of transitions, a paschal mystery, liminal space. Nothing necessarily good or bad, just is.

Leadership I: I knew for a long time that my leadership needed to be strengthen and my style changed. I saw my journal entries for the last 6-8 months and then I heard confirmation of those thoughts through various voices.

For 10-15 years my leadership approach was saturated in John Maxwell’s teachings. Set the goal, build the team, work the plan, and work your butt off. I’m not making fun of Maxwell’s teachings, there lots of great wisdom and understanding, but for me I was always left feeling inadequate (my life’s re-occurring story) and the unspoken need that I just needed to work harder or try harder to accomplish what my goals. At one level this approach worked when I was single and my time was more flexible.

These past 4 years I have been saturated in learning about the Spirit with the Dominican Center friends. As I grew in my understanding of the Spirit’s work, my day-to-day leadership reflected this difference. I was more apt to watch where the Spirit was leading and join in. I was less stressed about the end results, knowing and trusting the Spirit presence to be at work all along the process. I became less plan oriented (not that I don’t plan) and became more aware and dependent on the Spirit’s movement, both for myself and the ministry I lead.

The Spirit is already at work. I don’t bring her along with me to minister to others. She’s there working prior to my arrival. That is such a powerful concept and profound understanding. She, just like God our creator/Father, invites, encourages, prompts me to join her and Shadow God for the work already in process.

Somehow these two different leadership approaches need to merge and blend, creating a leadership style that is unique to Lori Ann Tate – follower of Jesus, wife, mother, daughter, minister, gardener. A style that blends my strategic, activator, focus, learner, intellectual strengths (taken from Marcus Buckingham’s StrenghFinder inventory) with the spirit-led woman I am becoming. A style that blends my natural thinking-striving personality with the newly cultivated heart sensitive side that is becoming me. Because my natural thinking-striving personality seems so strong, I resist against it more strongly.

My prayer:

Spirit let me embrace all that is me.

All aspects of my personality, all aspects of who You are calling me to be and become.

Help me not resist the aspects of my personality that frighten me,

(like my desire to please others)

but let us journey that path together

so that I can become my True-Self,

your beloved daughter.

All shall be well.