I've only felt this way a couple of times

There have only been a few days in my life that I have this feeling.
The feeling like I am saying goodbye to a huge part of my life, I’m sad, I'm a bit apprehensive, but I know that it’s good
I know that my life is about to change significantly.
My stomach feels weird.

I felt this way
. . . as I graduated from Grand Valley and drove away
. . . as I drove out of Detroit, leaving my corporate EDS job to go to seminary in Kentucky
. . . the morning I got married to Randy
. . . the day my OBGYN said “be at the hospital tonight” they induced labor and Jeff was born

. . . the surreal day that I met my daughter Allison Min-Joy for the first time, May 23, 2005
and now this past weekend.

This past weekend was my last time with my spiritual direction cohorts after being together for 2 years. These four women have taught me so much about being a woman of God, about being a daughter, a friend, a wife/mom and a pastor. Their own journey and unique struggles have pushed me further in my own relationships and with Jesus. Sometimes one of them would verbalize a doubt or fear that would totally resonate with me; other times they shared a new self-awareness that prompted me to look deeper into myself.

I will miss our monthly weekends together, which were more like mini-retreats. I will miss the community of learning, loving, listening to God and becoming who the Father has created each of us to uniquely become, but I trust the process. The process of transformation – a paschal mystery – which requires something to die in order for new life to grow.

This season of my life is over and a new season will emerge, with different companions, challenges and graces to learn. There’ll be new books to read just because I want to; new gardens to design and plant; new recipes to try, etc. While I am sad, I am well, because I believe that everything has the potential of drawing me deeper into my relationship with God.