Engaging rather than avoiding

I decided rather than avoid these three major “issues/circumstances”
My friend’s progressing illness
My elderly parents’ final season of life
My husband’s increasingly demanding job

I would engage myself and allow and invite the Spirit
into my space
to teach, guide and comfort me
along each of these paths.

By God’s grace
I will do “the work” that is laid out before me.
And through “the work” my heart will be transformed
and I will become more and more, my true-self.

Gently Lead

I have been ignoring some inner movements and promptings of the Spirit. My quiet, still space has been filled with blogging, class work, reading, and WWKids’ work. I have been avoiding this silent time and filling it with “good things.”

Why?
Why do I refuse to be still?
What am I avoiding?

In the midst of this season of avoidance I discovered that I have been afraid and angry. I’ve been avoiding facing some painful things:
My friend’s progressing illness
My elderly parents’ final season of life
My husband’s increasingly demanding job

After months of avoidance, the Spirit ever so gently broke through my barriers and encouraged me to engage this part of my journey and no longer avoid.

This “conversion” moment went something like this:
SD: Where does God fit in to these situations?
LT: I haven’t let him in
SD: Why?
LT: I don’t want to go there
SD: Why?
LT: I don’t want to hurt that much
SD: Aren’t you already hurting?
LT: Yes, I’m hurting while I try not to hurt
SD: What if I went with you to that place? I’ll hold you and cry with you?
LT: I don’t want to cry.
SD: But you already are. Let me hold you, go with you. If you can’t make it I’ll carry you.
LT: OK, but I don’t know how to start.

SD: via Henri Nouwen:. . . . “keep your eyes on Him who becomes poor with the poor, weak with the weak and who is rejected with the rejected. That one, Jesus, is the source of all peace.

Where is his peace to be found? In weakness. Few people are telling us this truth, but there is peace to be found in our own weakness, in those places of our heart where we feel most broken, most insecure, most in agony, most afraid. In our weakness we are forced to let go from doing much, thinking much and relying on our self-sufficiency. Right where we are most vulnerable, the peace that is not of this world is mysteriously hidden.

Jesus, teach me to rely on you, on my heavenly Father and on the Holy Spirit rather than my own self-sufficiency.

The first drawing of Mary was done by a 5th grade girl.

The second drawing was done by a 5 year old boy.

The artwork is mixed media: crayon and watercolor.

This is what I envisioned when we began the K6 Experience Studios at Westwinds Church. A place where kids can explore their relationship and undertanding of God, through various avenues - one being art. I love that the art studio doesn't make a perscribed "craft." Through the leadership and guidance of our talented Art Studio director, Sheryl Tolonen, our kids are encouraged to use their imagination. In essence the kids' creations, become a prayer to God. Offering up their heart felt thoughts that may not always come out through verbal expression.

Play time

Wednesday morning when I got up there were 3-4 inches of powdery snow. Normally I'm only outside for only a few minutes with the dog, but this morning we walked down the middle of the snow covered road.

It was beautiful, it was deeply silent, it was lonely, it was holy.

. . . fast track 15 hours ahead - it's 7:00p, it was still dark and cold but beautiful - I'm outside again with the dog and Allie as well. She's taking the dog potty, while I shovel snow. Jeff bursts out the door and takes Allie to the incline off the deck and the kids begin to slide down the hill. No snow pants, just the nylon from their jackets to slide down the hill. . . I'll see if my plants come up in the spring. . . We all came in and had hot chocolate and went to bed by 8:45!

When Allie and I got home this afternoon the first thing Jeff said to Allie was, "quick get your snow pants on and let's play before dinner." They were outside for 45 minutes playing with dog, sledding down this 10-foot little mound, having a great time. I was jealous, I wanted to play but I had to make dinner.

I love that my kids like to play in snow. If you haven't already, get yourself some good winter clothes and get outside. It's good for the soul!

Westwinds: A Christmas Wish

Love my kids. . .

I am so proud of my kids. I took the day of work Thursday to go to 3 doctor appointments and do some Christmas shopping.

We started off the morning at the dentist for our 6-month cleaning. Both kids did great, no fussing or crying. I have heard horror stories about kids at the doctor's office. I've even witnesses other families’ horror moments. I'm so thankful that that is one thing I haven't had to deal with.

After the dentist, poor Jeff had to go to school, but Allie went on to visit the dermatologist a.k.a the "itch doctor." We can be driving down the road and Allie will beginning screaming. She has an itch that she can't get to. It's kinda funny, but seriously it also very frustrating and loud for all who are present.

We finished there and had lunch at Allie’s favorite place – China House. She’s buddies with the owner, named Johnnie. He always calls her by her Chinese name, Min-Min. But interestingly she told me that she didn’t like to be called that, she just wants to be “Allie.”

Then the big finale, Allie needed 4 immunization shots. I hadn’t told her why we were going to this last doctor. I didn’t want her worrying about it. But on the drive over to the office I told her about when Jeff was 5 years old and he got his shots. I told her how good he did. I let her pinch my arm and then I pinched her so she could get an idea of how it might feel. I don’t usually bribe my kids, but I bought her a small purse with lipstick and nail polish. I let her take it into the doctors, but she couldn’t open it until we were done. She did soooo awesome and so did the nurse who gave each shot quickly. On shot 4 she whimpered a bit, but that was it.

. . . the rest of the day she played it up BIG. Don’t touch me, my shots hurts. Or I can’t do that because my shots hurt. I can’t go to sleep, my shots hurts. . . . All is forgotten and we won’t need any more shots for 7 years!

Beautiful inside and out

I love to learn. Well let’s be totally honest, I love to learn about things that interest me.
Just the other day, I told Dave McDonald that I have NO interest at all in learning to be a technical literate person. I love my computer when it works, but don’t ask me to problem-solve a technical problem. I’d rather slit my wrists! To be totally honest (again) I usually whine and cry and then beg someone to help me.

One of the things I do love to learn about is relationships. I am always on the look out for couples who have a solid marriage. I watch parents as they interact with their children (extending a lot of grace, because I know that my kids can drive me crazy.) I look for ways that I can be a better wife and mother.

Most recently the relationship that has captured my attention is Mary, a young woman/girl of approximately 15 years old and her mom and dad. You know Mary the mother of Jesus?

As a mom of two young kids, I wonder, what did her parents do to raise such an amazing kid? An angel comes out of nowhere and asks Mary to do this most bizarre thing and she says "Yes!" (see Luke 1.38)

If I could interview Mary these are some questions I would ask:
What was your home like?
Did you get along with your mom? what about your dad?
What was your birth order? Are you first born?
Did your parents tell you bedtime stories?
What were your favorite stories from the Torah?

Esther, a woman of courage and strength or maybe it was Ruth?

Continuing the interview with Mary’s mom and dad:
Did you ever imagine your daughter coming home and saying, "Something really strange happened today..."?
Your daughter seems to have a lot of inner confidence, how did you nurture that as a child? particularly with a daughter?
What was one hope or dream you had for Mary?
As parents what did you do that instilled God’s beauty in your daughter? (see Luke 1.28)

My 4-year-old daughter stands in front of the bathroom mirror. She combs her hair and sings to herself "I’m so pretttttyyy". (Ben Redmond’s daughter is 8 and he assures me that this mirror fascination thing is quite normal). However, I still worry that I am raising a vain child!

As I prepare my heart for Christmas, I am going to spend some time with Mary’s family, reflecting on how I can prepare my daughter and myself to become "beautiful with God’s beauty, Beautiful inside and out?" (see Luke 1.28)

Thanks

My heart is filled with love and gratitude
- thank you to everyone who gave to the WW's staff Christmas gift

Great Weekend

My kids saw Amanda their babysitter three nites last week. That's pretty hectic for home bodies like us. It was all good stuff but still busy.

Friday we had a staff/elder Christmas party. I laughed so much that my body hurt when I left the party. We were asked to bring a "marriage enhancement" gift. It got pretty interesting!

Saturday morning the kids and I played in the snow with Jake, then ventured back into the woods behind the pond. It was freezing cold but a lot of fun. We went to the Dalhem nature center, saw Trixies the Turtle. She's our favorite. She rolls over, stays and runs! We picked out our Christmas tree at Gwinn farm, then came home to decorate it. Chelsea my neice who attends Spring Arbor came over and decorated the tree with us and ate a home cooked meal before heading back to SAU to study for finals.

Randy hung all my bird feeders just outside the kitchen window. At one time I counted 7 male cardinals along with some females, 3 bluejays, a tuffed titmouse, a black junco, and a red-bellied woodpecker. I just love to watch the birds come and go. Beyond the bird feeders it is not uncommon to see the deer. Friday morning, I counted nine deer in the yard.

On the weekends the kids like to sleep together. Which means they go to bed extra early so that they can play longer. Using every blanket they could find, they built a fort in Jeff's bunk bed, then fell asleep with their flashlights on!

We all watched a movie on Sunday night. And I finished my paper and emailed it to Sister Joann. Still have lots of reading and studying to do, but it will come.

Sometimes I almost feel guilty I am so blessed. I can't even begin to count the "good things" I enjoy. I don't think God wants me to feel guilty, just grateful and loved.

It was a great weekend!

Holy Spirit - named Sally

Like lots of guys, my husband loves electronic toys and recently purchased a GPS. And like many wives, I don’t always “appreciate” the new toys. I can read maps and have a great sense of direction, why do we need another electronic toy? So....

We’ve only been to my friend’s lake house once or twice, and my husband decided to use the GPS and see how it took us there. The GPS’s voice “Sally” tells us to go beyond the road where we have turned before. Then it takes us on a dirt road/path that is a dead end. “Sally” failed. All the while, I’m thinking why are we going a different way, when we already know the way. While I did not verbally say "I told you so" after 10 years of marriage, my husband knew what I was thinking.

In all fairness to my husband’s love of electronic toys, I did steal “Sally” the GPS unit when I went downtown Detroit searching for some obscure streets. “Sally” recalculated every wrong turn I took and still got me to my end distinction. I was very glad to have her with me.

Silly as it may sound, I think that there are some similarities between “Sally the GPS” and the Holy Spirit.

I program in my desired end destination, to become my true-self in Christ. Then I follow the directions provided on the monitor. But frequently I ignore the route provided for various reasons. The kids and I are talking and I honestly get distracted and miss a turn; or I consciously chose to make a detour and stop somewhere else; or I know of a better way and ignore her directions.

Amazingly “Sally” recalculates my route with my end destination in mind. No matter how many times I take wandered off the prescribed path, “Sally” recalculates or re-orients me to my desired destination. “Sally” never yells at me, “Hey stupid, you just missed your turn again;” or complains, “Why bother to have me if you are going to ignore me?” She never comments on my decisions, she gently and non-judgmentally, guides me so that I am re-oriented back towards my end destination.

Be

I use this prayer to draw myself and others into a contemplative frame of mind:

Be still and know that I God.
Be still and know that I am.
Be still and know.
Be still.
Be. Richard Rohr, Everything Belongs

Be Still

The Spirit

can influence and guide me

only to the extent

I am in touch with my inner self.

Richard Hauser

Washed Clean

At Westwinds Church we are about to end our sexuality series; a universal topic that has surfaced a lot of stories of brokenness. Sunday in Fusion, communion was given and then people were invited to the table to have their hands washed.

A person would stand before me and I had the privilege to pour water – cool, clean, cleansing water - that caressed the hands of the old and young. I saw both pleasure and pain in people’s faces. As the water fell from their hands into the basin, I could visualize the shame, embarrassment, pain, guilt, hate, anger, fear accumulating in the basin. Surprisingly the water was actually dirty.

Hands have always intrigued me. So much can be seen in someone’s hands. Hands can protect, love, hurt, heal, create, destroy; hands tell stories about the person’s life. One reason I choose Mother Teresa as my spiritual mentor was because of her hands. They are beautiful, loving hands.

This past Sunday it was an honor it was to serve my friends and follow sojourners; to be a witness and participant in their spiritual journey.

Learning in community

While meeting with parents for the child dedication, I asked if they could identify a couple/family that they admire. Perhaps it’s their parenting style or their marriage.

I learned hospitality from my L’Abri friends;
I learned some effective parenting ideas from my brother and wife;
I learned grace from Dr. Joy;
I learned about seeing God in the ordinary experiences of life from my friend Randy Shafer.

I’m such a visual learner that I need to see things in action before I get it . . . well in most things any ways. It’s a good thing that I work with such an awesome group of people – Ben, Dave, JVo, Norma, Becky and Jay. I’m always learning from these guys, different things from each of them.

So I when I read “Questions I ask my kids” on Ben’s blog I knew that I would have to “steal” his questions. Heck, I just took this stuff from his blog. That’s because I admire Ben – he is an awesome, intentional dad.

Questions I ask my kids By Ben Redmond (www.variousparables.com)
A few years back, I read a list of questions that Andy Stanley asked his kids when they were little. I loved them and made them my own.So every few days, before bed time, I ask my kids the following questions:
1. Is everything ok in your heart? (I want my kids to learn how to examine and guard their hearts.)
2. Did anyone hurt your feelings today? (This question seems to bring lots of teachable moments.)
3. Are you mad at anyone? (I want them to understand anger and forgiveness)
4. Did anyone break a promise to you? (This is a selfish questions, because I break promises!)
5. Is there anything I can do for you? (This might seem weird - but I am just trying to be intentional about communicating.)
Do you have any habits or rituals with your kids?

Community is about being inspired and prompted to greater goodness by those who surround you. It’s not a competition – although I was a bit envious that I didn’t think of these questions first! Just by knowing this person, I am inspired for further personal transformation.

Thanks Ben and the rest of the WW staff that daily inspire me to become more like Jesus.

Wasting Time or Sacred Time

Last night after being in school from 8-3 and doing gymnastics, Allie asked me to watch a DVD with her. Sitting down and watching a silly kids' DVD is a very hard thing for me to do when I have painting to do, food to get ready for Thanksgiving, a paper to write, etc.

But something prompted me to say no to the "TO DO" list and yes to my daughter. We got into our PJ's and snuggled on the couch, Jeff even came and watched the DVD with us.

Finding God moments in ordinary life circumstances. God can and does meet me wherever I am at. God is always present.

So watching a silly movie with my 5-year-old daughter - Wasting time or was it sacred time?

Christmas Mediation

One morning my 4-year old daughter Allie came and sat on my lap. We cuddled for a few minutes before she noticed the postcard sitting by the lamp. She said to me, "Mommy, why is that lady so sad?" (see the image at the end of the blog) As we sat quietly she began to notice other elements in the painting.

I hope and pray that you let the Spirit speak to you as mediate and ponder the wonder of this painting. I'll keep the image and writing posted throughout the rest of the year.

Spent the weekend with my spiritual direction group studying Thomas Merton and exploring how we personally may be moving from our false-self to our true-self. Great time of personal reflection and deepening my understanding of the transformation that is taking place in my life.

When I feel the "pressure" that I'm not quite where I want to be or feel like I need to be, to stay up with some imaginary holy person, I fall back to Merton's quote. . .

::Let us never forget

that we will never be anything

but a beginner on this journey::

(my paraphrase version)

I breathe more easily and rest in the Spirit and continue the dance with joy.

wwKids - K6 Art Studio

This morning I received this email about the K6 Art Studio.

"This past weekend, I was so blessed to serve in the Art Studio with the 3rd/4th graders.
As you know, we have been focusing on the story of Samuel. We are sharing Samuel's story to teach the children the power and wonder of listening to GOD's voice. In the Art Studio, the kids were making sculptures that reminds them to listen to GOD's voice. Sheryl (Art Studio Director) provided the kids with so many materials to incorporate into their sculpture. They had fabric, yarn, sequins, feathers, piping and more importantly, blank pieces of paper for writing - WORDS. Words, that will remind them of what GOD is speaking to them, in their own personal journey to grow closer to Him.

When we asked the kids to describe what they had created, my eyes were so teary, I couldn’t see the sculptures. Here are a few examples of what I heard:

Owen - Connected his two wires on his sculpture together with piping to "show his connection to GOD"

Dustin - Shaped his two wires into the earth and then covered them with green piping.
He said "he used green to represent peace and the single yellow feather on top, was GOD"

Tyler - Attached a pink ribbon to his wire to represent "his aunt who had died, so he could remember her" and a long purple ribbon to represent "GOD because we cannot see him"

Megan - Shaped her wires into a heart to "show her love for GOD" (Megan was invited here by a friend. It was her first time here!)

As I write this, I am teary eyed again, because I see all our hard work and dedication to our kids being rewarded. . . our kids DO get it and they LOVE Jesus. They understand what GOD's presence in their lives means and how it makes a difference through their relationships. And most importantly, they ARE listening to GOD. (written by Lisamarie Teeters, Shepherd Team Leader)

Yes, what we do makes a difference.

Good things

He fills my life with good things

. . . moonlight reflecting off the snow
. . . our puppy experiencing snow for the first time
. . . a place to gather with friends and family
. . . tucking my kids into warm flannel sheets
. . . clean water to drink
. . . sounds of silence
. . . a job that I love
. . . coffee by the fireplace
. . . a wonderful husband

I love art, I love creating and making things, so I'm mildly disappointed that my son isn't more interested in art. Surprisingly though he LOVES his art teacher at Paragon. Talks about her, says it's his favorite class, but I never seen anything that really supports his talk.

So I was excited that it was my eight-year-old son, Jeff's turn in the WW art studio this weekend. I had taught the previous weekend in the studio and knew it was an awesome setup. When he came out of the studio he handed me his sculpture and said, "this is stupid," my heart sunk. I glanced at his art piece and had to agree, it was not the most creative thing I've ever seen.

Before I left church Sunday, I grapped a another sculpture base and a few things from the art studio. That evening I got out the paint and all the odds and ends - beads, pipe cleaners, paper, hole punchers, glue - recycling supplies and both kids and I played at the kitchen table. Tentatively Jeff began to paint the base and then we bent the wire. I showed Allie how to put beads on the pipe cleaners and then Jeff tried that as well. Both kids wrote words that described their relationship with God and hung them on their sculpture.

At the end of our play session, both kids felt good about what they had created. Jeff even said he wanted to take his sculpture to school to show his art teacher.

I'm thinking that Jeff is more infatuated (sp?) with his art teacher than he is with the art!

Speak: I'm ready to listen

Speak Lord, I'm ready to listen

This past Sunday I taught in the first and second graders in the K6 Art Studio.

The curriculum this month is the story of Samuel and how in the quietness of the night, he heard God call his name. The art studio is set up with dim lights, soft music, candles, and a large rug and pillows. At the door the kids are invited into this special space. They are asked to take off their shoes and use their quiet voices.

Once all the kids have arrived, we moved to the rug and pillow area for a bedtime story. As Goodnight Moon is read, the kids are encouraged to visualize the green room, the cow jumping over the moon and the little bitty mouse. At the end of the bedtime story, we transitioned into the story of Samuel. The young boy who hears a voice at night, but mistakenly thinks it is his mentor, EIi calling. When Eli realizes that young Samuel is in fact hearing his name called, the old man instructs Samuel to say, “Speak Lord, I am ready to listen.”

At the end of the story the kids are invited to come over to the work tables to create a 3D piece of art. The studio is very quiet and for 40 minutes the kids are focused on their personal creation – cutting, pasting, punching holes, bending, taping and coloring.

The Real Me

me, just me. . .

always restless,
always striving,
always working and wanting more.

sometimes
more stuff, more education, more fitness
more books, more plants, more affirmation, more talent

sometimes
more peace, more silence, more time,
more kids, more faith, more love, more stillness

The Spirit is
also always working, always calling,
always inviting

May I learn to walk in the Spirit's shadow
and respond to my soul's yearnings with gentleness and care.

For all is good,
all is gift and
I am a beginner and always will be
just a beginner on this journey to the heart of God.

Teach Me to Listen

When kids have questions,
they are looking to engage in conversation,
not necessarily solve the problem.

Being present, being available to talk and listen is what is essential. This is very important for parents and those who work with kids. More times than not adults would be more effective, listening to the kids, keeping quiet (not teaching!) and then asking a few good questions with lots of affirmation, “that is a great question. I can tell you have thought a lot about that.”

. . . teach me to listen, O God,
to those nearest me,
my family, my friends, my co-workers.
Help me to be aware that
no matter what words I hear,
the message is,
"Accept the person I am. Listen to me."

Teach me to listen, my caring God,
to those far from me--
the whisper of the hopeless,
the plea of the forgotten,
the cry of the anguished.

Teach me to listen, O God my Mother,
to myself.
Help me to be less afraid
to trust the voice inside --
in the deepest part of me.

Teach me to listen, Holy Spirit,
for your voice --
in busyness and in boredom,
in certainty and in doubt,
in noise and in silence.

Teach me, Lord, to listen. Amen. (adapted by John Veltri, SJ - Hearts on Fire, p30-31)

Trouble in Prayer

Tending the Holy - Katherine Howard, OSB
Seeking & Finding God: Love & Humility in the Benedictine Tradition

"If someone who comes to me is having trouble in prayer, or if I myself am, one important thing to be on the alert for is the character and quality of the interaections and dynamics of daily life. It is neither insignificant nor irrelevant that many people who come for spiritual direction spend a lot of their time reflecting on their relaitonships with spouses, children, parents, siblings, coworkers, friends, teachers, students, neighbors, associates, clients, customers. These relationships tell us much about our relationship with God. Destructure behavior and attitudes toward self and others blind us and cut us off from the goodness of God, the basic goodness of life. Loving and compassionate behavior and attitudes open us to God. Reflecting on these various daily experiences of ours often deepen our gratitiude in prayer or lead us to repentance and compunction."

Big Questions from Little Kids

Quite honestly I have a lot of goals in my life like get a doctorate, become a master gardener, learn yoga, have a great marriage, but one of my top 3 goals include, teaching (guiding, inviting, encouraging) my kids to know and love God. So the podcast titled “The Spirituality of Parenting,” (speakingoffaith.publicradio.com) by Rabbi Sandy Eisenberg Sasso definitely caught my attention.

Our kids have big questions about God and life and most of the time there is no place to ask or wonder about them. Even churches are filled with classes that want to teach them about God, but not necessarily listen to them ask their questions about Him.

In the religious education field, (in general) we are very focused on making sure our kids know the right things, know the right information. Quite honestly information alone seldom changes a person. There’s that old saying is “you can give a person a fish and they can eat for a day or you can teach them to fish and they will eat for a life time.” The same is true in religious education. We can give kids the 5 steps to “accept Jesus” into your heart and life or we can help and guide kids to discover Jesus for themselves.

Self-discovery and mastery builds a child’s inner-confidence. It affirms that he/she is a component individual and contributes to his/her community. These attributes of confidence and competency empowers a child to continue to seek a relationship with Jesus Christ, God the Father and Creator and the Spirit.

Rabbi Sasso says that by the age of 5 all kids have a concept of God, whether or not they can verbalize it. If we don’t engage their questions, they will stop asking. Sofia Cavalletti, a Roman Catholic theologian, tells the story about a little girl who was raised in a nonreligious home, with her atheist father. Repeatedly the little girl asked about how the world came into being, and the father’s answer consistently reflected his worldview, it’s all by chance and accident. Time and time again this little girl asked the same question (drives you nuts!) and finally the father probably weary, this time replied, “well some people believe that God was involved with the world’s creation.” The little girl began to excitedly jump around, saying, “Yes, I knew it was Him.”

When kids have questions, they are looking to engage in conversation, not necessarily solve the problem. Talking is what is essential. This is very important for parents and those who work with kids. More times than not adults would be more effective, listening to the kids, keeping quiet (not teaching!) and then asking a few good questions with lots of affirmation, “that is a great question. I can tell you have thought a lot about that.”

These times with our kids are sacred moments.

Walking in Grace

One of the most liberating and transformative moments in my spiritual journey came while I was the director of faith-based early childhood education program. One of my employees had falsified some state documents and I needed to address the issue. As I mentally prepared to talk to her, some of my own issues re-surfaced. “How could I confront and hold this Christian employee accountable, when I had done _______?” Even though I had prayed for forgiveness, I still carried the guilt with me.

I “inherited” my assistant when I took this new position. Sharon was about 10 years older than me, a mom of 3 boys and married to a man who was a minister at another church. For over 5 years, we shared a small 10x15 office space and became great friends. I loved and respected Sharon very much.

Before I met with my employee to confront her deception, I sat down with Sharon. I shared my “secret story” with her. Sharon accepted my “secret” with love and tenderness. There was no disappointment or condemnation, only acceptance. From that day on Sharon never mentioned that conversation again. Knowing this “secret” about me, she never treated me differently.

Each day I walked in grace and was transformed.

Telling Your Story

Providing space or a place for someone to tell their story is one of the roles of a spiritual director. In the very process of telling your story to someone, of putting your story into words, amazingly you often sees things more clearly or from a different perspective.

There have been numerous times as I’ve met with my spiritual director that I look at her and say, “this is the first time I’ve spoken this thought or idea out loud” or “this is the first time I’ve made that connection.”

Friends who are good listeners also gift others with this kind of “space” to be.

One day I visited a very dear woman, named Louella Thompson, the same lady who told me that God spoke to her. I was struggling with some relational things in my life and I shared them with Louella. Secretly I wanted her to agree with my point of view, but instead, she offered me this advice, “Lori say Psalm 23, five times a day – in bed before you get up, at breakfast, at lunch, at dinner and again when you go to bed. It works for me.”

I had a 40 minute drive back to the office and I was kinda ticked. I wanted real solutions to my problem. Instead I got some type of magical formula. How is saying Psalm 23, 5 times a day going to help me? Well God, being God “kicked my butt” and said you asked for her advice and just because it wasn’t what you wanted to hear, you’re going to just ignore it? So just to prove to myself that it was silly advice, I decided to try it.

I had memorized Psalm 23 as kid, but could only remember the open phrase, so I got out my Bible and refreshed my memory. I reluctantly said the psalm in the morning, then at noon, etc. Then I began to recite the psalm when I was feeling stressed, which was happening frequently. I began to notice that over the course of a day, my thoughts were pulled back to Psalm 23 much more frequently than the prescribed 5 times. Several weeks into this experiment I noticed that my heart and attitudes were changing as I focused on God’s truth rather than my own circumstances.

Once again the woman of God, Louella was right. God bless her! Saying Psalm 23 isn’t a magical solution, but the principle of focusing our thoughts towards God is life changing. Find what works for you, and allow yourself to be drawn into God’s arms.

Years later I fell in love with The Message’s translation of Psalm 23.

Psalm 23: A David Psalm
1-3 God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing.
You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
you find me quiet pools to drink from.

True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.

4 Even when the way goes through
Death Valley,
I'm not afraid
when you walk at my side.
Your trusty shepherd's crook
makes me feel secure.

5 You serve me a six-course dinner
right in front of my enemies.
You revive my drooping head;
my cup brims with blessing.

6 Your beauty and love chase after me
every day of my life.
I'm back home in the house of God
for the rest of my life.

Eucharist - I am the Bread of Life

With a small satellite group at Westwinds we've been exploring the different ways the Eucharist is expressed and experienced by individuals. In some ways I'm kinda envious about how passionate some of my Catholic friends are about taking communion or the Eucharist.

"A Mystical Portrait of Jesus" by Dememtrius Dumm has some wonderful insight into the Eucharist, particularly for a protestant girl like myself.

I am the living water
I am the bread of life

I am the light of the world

I am the Good Shepherd
I am the Son of God
I am who I am

do this in remembrance of me
remember my deep, abiding love for you
as the Father and I are one, I long to be with you

bread and wine
sustains me
flows through me

satifisfies me

nourishes me

gives me - life-energy

physically spirituality
JESUS

Best part of my day

Best part of my yester-day, Sunday.

- Sitting with a potential new WWKid volunteer and listening to her story about her relationship with God. She is exactly the kind of person I want working with our kids! Hope she decides to join our team!

On Sunday's you can have TWO "best parts" of your day. If you haven't figured it out if it's your "game" you can change the rules as often and anyway you please!

So my second "best part of my day" was when I asked my son, Jeff, "what was the best part of your day?" He replied, "making my Moses' diorama in the art studio at church." That was a huge surprise to me since Jeff is more a sports type of dude. I was so pleased to hear his response!

Being Transformed

The other day I was working on a child dedication parent meeting. I had purchased some material designed to help parents nurture their kids’ spiritual journey. Obviously I really liked the material since I purchased it. It was grounded in scripture, hands on, age appropriate, hands-on, ya de da.

As I began working with the material, I made a few changes that fit more my style and then I just stopped dead in my tracks. As a foundational point to building a Christian home, the curriculum was emphasizing the verse “we have all sinned and fallen short of God’s glory.”

WHY? Why start with sin? Isn’t there an earlier beginning that isn’t rooted in sin? All of my recent reading, studying, and conversations with my co-worker/boss, Dave, and his current series on Genesis 1-2 about creation and the image of God came flooding in.

No, I couldn’t start with sin, because that isn’t where the Story of God began. It began with creation, when a loving God designed and formed mankind to become His “image bearers” to reflect His love. It began with an invitation to be in relationship with this awesome Creator God; a continual invitation to be part of His Kingdom work, a continual invitation to be transformed and more perfectly reflect His image.

It feels very different approaching

a creator God who already knows me

and has all along been inviting me into relationship with Him

VERSES

a God, I don’t know yet, but somehow I have already failed and disappointed Him.

Upon reflection I was surprised at how strongly I reacted against that Roman verse. Not because I don’t believe that we are sinners, but because I’m don’t feel that it’s the right place to start a conversation about God.

I’m not the same person I was four years ago. My deeper understanding of the image of God has radically changed some of my core thinking. I think I'm being transformed into a new creation!

Facing Your Inner Self

Jean Vanier, the Canadian philosopher and Catholic social innovator founded a community centered around people with mental disabilities, L’Arche. One observer said, “Jean Vanier finds gifts where others see tragedy.” (speakingoffaith.publicradio.org, The Wisdom of Tenderness)

When asked why do we do such a bad job of addressing pain and weakness. Why is that so excruciating for us? Vanier replied, “there are many elements. First of all, we don’t know what to do with our own pain, so what to do with the pain of others? We don’t know what to do with our own weakness except hide it or pretend it doesn’t exist. So how can we welcome fully the weakness of another if we haven’t welcomed our own weakness? . . . Martin Luther King says something, which I find quite beautiful and strong. . . we will continue to despise people until we have recognized, loved and accepted what is despicable in ourselves.”

So what do you despise about yourself? What is it that you find so awful that you cannot accept? What would your answer be? Laziness, lack of self discipline, never got a college degree, had an abortion, lied on your taxes to save money, slept with someone before you got married, misused drugs, sex, food or alcohol, or all of the above? Until I am willing to face my own “junk” – my ego, my insecurities, my pride – I will remain a judgmental person. I will not accept the other people’s weaknesses. C.S. Lewis describes a prideful person as always looking down at others, so that they can feel good about themselves.

Father God. . .I pray for courage to face my “junk”,

to examine my fears and insecurities;

to face the things to cause me pain;

to become much more aware of my inner motivations.

Becoming my true-self is HARD work!

Hold me in your love, as I pray for courage to journey forward.

Patient Trust - a prayer

When I was a little kid, I used to think that if you needed to read a prayer than you must not really know how to talk to God on your own. I was stupid.

Today I find it powerful to read a prayer in unison. I love to read other people's prayers because they say what I may be thinking but have not been able to express. One of my favorite prayer books is Hearts on Fire, Praying with the Jesuits. It's a companion book of prayer that goes along with St. Ignatius' spiritual exercises.

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new.

And yet it is the law of all progress
that it is made by passing through
some stages of instability ---
and that it may take a very long time.

And so I think it is with you;
your ideas mature gradually -- let them grow.
let them shape themselves, without undue haste.

Don't try to force them on,
as though you could be today what time
(that is to say, grace and circumstances
acting on your own good will)
will make of you tomorrow.

Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.

Give our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.

- Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, SJ (Hearts on Fire, Praying with Jesuits, page 102)

Morning walk - a prayer

Awareness: that is a key word in my life.

In the early morning darkness I am very aware of my surroundings.
I hear the nuts falling through the tree branches and hitting the ground;
the morning dew dripping off the leaves;
the deer lurking in the shadows, breathing quietly;
the twinkling stars shining brilliantly in the early morning sky;
the awesome silence that is so deep you can fall into it.

These are gifts from God.
Even at 5 am, out in the yard with my dog, God meets me.

Nature walks as a prayer

Allie and I walked in our backyard to find these treasures from nature. . . . perhaps the real treasure was found in holding her hand and enjoying our time together.

At the end of our 15-minute nature walk, I silently said, "amen."

Personal art as prayer

Mandala is a Sanskrit word meaning, “to have possession of one’s essence.” It is a sacred circle with a centerpoint, a universal image that has long been a source of the experience of oneness and wisdom. It uses symbolic forms to draw out truth from the unconscious. These symbols help connect our inner life to our outer life. The making of a mandala requires from us an attitude of receptivity and reverence. It is a search for and a recording of our deepest self at one moment in time and serves as a container for our deepest emotions. There is something about creating a circular design, which seems to draw us inward. With its spiritual origins, the mandala appears to be a ready-made prayer form. . . . .(Drawing to God by Jeri Gerding)

Last month during my spiritual direction weekend, I had the opportunity to create a mandala. For an hour I got to “play” with a three cent paper plate and a couple of markers. At the end, we were asked to “hold” our mandala and pray with it over this next month. We were encouraged to hear the message that it shared, reassured that there is no right or wrong answer or explanation for our mandala.

. . . .here are my reflections: I’ve looked at the mandala over the last couple of weeks. I’ve turned it around and wondered at the strong bold line and the twisting green branches. I’ve noticed the repetition of circles or circular edges.

At the beginning of this part of my spiritual journey, I was concerned that I was moving away from God, that this mysterious, foreign way (for me) of approaching God would ultimately “require” me to choose something else over Jesus.

My mandala expresses a journey that started with Jesus, my heart’s desire. The journey has pushed the boundaries of my understanding of God. Some of my understandings have deepen and others are completely NEW. I feel like I’ve met the Holy Spirit for the first time. I've realized that understanding God is less important than loving Him and accepting His love for me.

My mandala represents the cycle of leaving and arriving; dying and growing; going into the desert and returning to community.

My mandala design continues to the back of the circle and ultimately ends back at the center, back at the heart. The image reminds me of an egg waiting to be fertilized.

A new creation, a new life is about to be formed. My journey has resulted in a new creation: my true-self. A true image of Lori Ann Mero Tate, the precious daughter of our Father, Creator God.

Living in the Mystery

Rev. Dr. John Polkinghorne: Things that are just on the surface, easy to believe, are not the whole story. There's a deeper, stranger and more satisfying story to be found, both in science and in religion.

John Polkinghorne, had a distinguished career as a Cambridge physicist before also becoming an Anglican priest. His perspective transcends cultural controversies that see science and religion at odds. He uses quantum physics and chaos theory to think about religious mysteries and how the world actually works; from evolution and the afterlife, for example, to how the universe might make space for prayer. (www.speakingoffaith.org)

I will not claim to have anything but a very superficial understanding of quantum physics. So superficial I probably have no "right" to comment on anything a brilliant man like Polkinghorne would say. I'm not saying these things in false humility, they are true, I don't get physics.

Patterns however intrigue me. I love to find patterns or themes in my various readings, personal experiences, etc. I like to “connect the dots” as my co-worker frequently says. So when I heard Polkinghorne mention that things in the physical world can be both/and, such as light can be both wave and particle, it resonated with me. This idea that everything is not simply black and white, either/or, but things can exist both/and was not the only place I had encountered this concept of “holding things in tension.”

Einstein made a famous statement, “the most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious.” Mystery is not ignorance or confusion, nor is it a gap in knowledge that is waiting to be filled, or a set of questions awaiting answers. Mystery can be known without being solved. It can be experienced, sensed, felt, appreciated, even loved, without being understood. This may not be easy; it requires a surrender of all willfulness, a risking of self-image and a nurturing of intuition. (Will and Spirit, by Gerald May)

There is tension in holding this deeper understanding of both/and. I want everything laid out clearly. I want to know right from wrong and in many situations right and wrong can be clearly discerned. But as I have personally grown I understand that less and less things fall neatly into the right/wrong or either/or category.

God is calling me to hold more and more things in tension. To live in a mystery in which only He holds the “key.”

Surprisingly I find myself becoming more comfortable in my “uncomfortableness.”
I am becoming more willing and able to rest in the “unknown” and not have all the answers!

Maybe this is faith?
Maybe faith is holding and living in the mystery of God.
I wonder. . .

The pond - sacred space

The other day we spent the afternoon at my parents. We had DISH installed so they will be ready when the analog signals are replaced 100 percent with digital. We figured if they had the exact same system as us, then via the phone even Jeff could help walk my elderly parents through the remote control buttons.

My parents live in a small community of about 50 houses. The little community is located between Hudson and Morenci, Michigan. This is where I grew up after leaving Detroit at age 10. I was the “city slicker” living in the country.

About a mile away from our house, down an old road that was only used by a local farmer, there was a small cabin on a pond nestled in a patch of woods. This secret hideaway was actually owned by a couple from our church, so the no trespassing sign I’m sure did not apply to me!

This secluded pond became “my sacred place.” I spent hours at the pond with my dog and journal. I went back there when I was sad, when I was hurt, when I was lonely, when I needed to think. The 20 minute journey back to the pond was therapeutic for my soul. I prayed, journal, cried, laughed. This place is in my soul.

As I grew older and first went away to college, then lived in Detroit, I always made my way back to this special spot. Once while living in Kentucky, I had had a relationship that turned south. It was crazy, but I was hurting and needed to go home. The weather forecast was crappy a big winter storm was moving in, schools were canceling, but I set out on a 6 hour drive home. It took me 9 hours to make it home.

The next day I put on some cross country skis and went back to the pond. The snow absorbed all noise and there was a deep, rich silence that I had never encountered before. The presence of God was so strong I could touch it. I finally breathed deeply.

The pond - part of my early journey

The desire for contemplative prayer has been growing inside me since I was a young girl. As a quiet, introverted child I spent time back in the woods with my dog. I would take my journal and drawing pad, write poems, journal, talk to God. There was a special place about a mile from home. It was a small pond with a tiny cabin. People from our church owned it so I knew it was OK for me to be there, though I never asked for permission!

The pond

Pond
Sacred space
Inviting, anticipating, listening
Touched by God’s Spirit
Peace

I don’t know if I would call myself a contemplative person or not,
but if I am it all started at the pond.

Milk Carton

Went to the dentist yesterday cause of a sensitive tooth. They xrayed it, checked it over and then put ice on it to identify the "sensitive" part. YIKES. Doc said he couldn't see anything visually wrong with the tooth, then asked, "Have you been under a lot of stress lately?"

I laughed and told him about the milk carton in cupboard.

Last night, I drank a second glass of red wine and this morning, I slept in. Maybe this will help my "stress level" that I'm not aware of!

Five years ago today

Five years ago today, "a black-skinned baby girl was found in box, with a blanket and a cartoon of dry milk." She was found outside a warehouse, in the city of Tongling, in the providence of Anhui, China. The people at the local orphanage ran an advertisement in the paper, announcing this child was found, but no one stepped forward to claim her. Not at all a surprise, since it is illegal to abandon children.

The caring women at the Tongling Welfare Institute gave this child her identify. They gave her the birthday of September 20 - perhaps they thought the little baby was 9 days old or perhaps 9/20 was a lucky day. They gave her the last name Tong, for the city and orphanage she came from, and they named her Min-Min, which meant "agile."

September seems to be a reflective time for me. Lots of natural changes as we move into fall, but mostly because I think so much about Allie’s China mom and family.

I find the story of baby Moses found in the basket, watched from a distance by his older sister so familiar and real. I wonder if this is not Allie’s story. Was there an older sibling, an aunt or perhaps her mom or dad that hid at a distance, watching over the cardboard box to ensure nothing happened to this child? What time was she left, what time did someone happen to find the box? What must it be like to feel like you have no options but to abandon your daughter?

I am thankful for this China woman who had the courage to give life to our daughter. I hope that somehow through God's grace, Allie's "China Momma" knows that her precious daughter is safe and loved.

I can’t imagine my life without Allie. She is so incredible and becoming quite a fisherman.

I got the kids their morning cereal and was ready to pour some milk into my bowl, but I couldn’t find the milk? Where’s the milk? I knew that I still had some in the container otherwise I would have rinsed it out and put it in the recycle bin. I looked in the on the counters, in the frig, on the kitchen table, asked the kids if they had taken it.

Then I got a little worried. I knew the milk wasn’t gone, but where was it? Was I losing my mind? I found my milk carton in the cupboard next to the coffee. . . . .I know that I’m getting older (mature) but I’ve NEVER done anything like that before.

I don’t feel consciously stressed.

I try to eat healthy and exercise at least 3x a week. I have good sleep habits – kinda – I usually sleep from 10:30p -4:30a. I don’t feel stressed out or overwhelmed at work. I’m in a good place with lots of opportunity for personal and ministry growth. If my stress is not at work, is it at home?

Well. . . . let’s see. In the last 3 years, we have adopted a little girl from China. We’ve lived in 4 different houses in less than 24 months. We lost our Ohio house to foreclosure. My daughter has been in 3 different early childhood education centers; my son has been in 2 different schools systems. I took a pay cut and started a new job in a church; I’ve been taking classes for the last 3 years; my husband commutes to Toledo 3 days a week and is gone for 14 hours a day; my elderly parents are getting more elderly and they are my nearest family support. I think I’m pre-menopausal and my daughter hasn’t even started elementary school yet. . . . . . . soooooo if all I do is misplace a carton of milk, I say I’m doing good!

Ohha, I was just kidding! That’s not my life at all!

Seriously, life is challenging. You probably don’t have the exact same life circumstances as me, but I’m sure you have some tough challenges of your own.

Amazingly I am learning to be more gentle with other people, perhaps they found an old stinky milk carton in their cupboard this morning! Most likely, there are things in their life that struggle with. Amazingly, I am learning to be “content” and even kind of comfortable in the somewhat chaotic thing I call “my life.” Content in that every little thing does not pull me off center. . . . I do believe that “everything has the potential to draw me closer to God.” So to the best of my ability at any given moment, I try to embrace “my life” and let God do his work of transforming my heart, mind and soul.

All is gift. . . even a misplaced carton of milk.

Thank God I found it before it went bad and stunk up the whole house!

Invitation to be fully present

A sense of all is well
God is at work – all over the place –
He doesn’t need me to fix things or to worry
He simply invites me to be present and
witness the Spirit’s movement around me and in others.

Mother Teresa was fully present with Jesus and therefore was fully present to those she cared for. Caring for their physical needs was secondary to being fully present with them. So often I am distracted by stupid, silly things that have little significance. Spirit, help me be fully present.

Bead for Life

another story of grace

I thing I know

For everything has the potential of calling forth in us (me) a more loving response to our (my) life forever with God. Our only desire and our one choice should be this: I want and I choose what better leads to God’s deepening life in me.

"God who loves us creates us and wants to share life with us forever. Our love response takes shape in our praise and honor and service of the God of our life.
All the things in this world are also created because of God’s love and they become a context of gifts, presented to us so that we can know God more easily and make a return of love more readily.

As a result, we show reverence for all the gifts of creation and collaborate with God in using them so that by being good stewards we develop as loving persons in our care for God’s world and its development. But if we abuse any of these gifts of creation or, on the contrary, take them as the center of our lives, we break our relationship with God and hinder our growth as loving persons.

In everyday life, then, we must hold ourselves in balance before all created gifts insofar as we have a choice and are not bound by some responsibility. We should not fix our desires on health or sickness, wealth or poverty, success or failure, a long life or a short one. For everything has the potential of calling forth in me a more loving response to my life forever with God.

My only desire and my one choice should be this: I want and I choose what better leads to God’s deepening life in me."

Ignatius from his Spiritual Exercises
Draw me into Your Friendship: The Spiritual Exercises, page 27)

I am often challenged by this statement that . . . everything has the potential of calling forth in me a more loving response to God.

I don’t always feel like some of my life circumstances call me forward. On the surface I see little of what I would call God, however, God is teaching me to be patient. Circumstances are not always what they appear to be on the surface. I am learning what faith is – faith in a loving, personal Creator, who made me – yes, Lori Ann Mero Tate - in his image to reflect who he is. A loving God who calls me and invites me to walk along side him and be part of his Kingdom work and in the process be changed myself.

There are lots of things I don’t know – why my friends have cancer; how to be a good mom; how God created the world; how to be a supportive wife or a good spiritual director; to be a great kids ministry leader; how to handle elderly parents and young children, but the ONE thing I do KNOW is I want choose what better leads to God’s deepening life in me. . . .

So I try to keep things simple by looking at each of day through those lenses – what leads me to a deeper life in Christ? What draws me away from Him?

learning to pray

Prayer is nothing but oneness with Christ. “abide in me”
“I live no longer, but Christ lives in me.”
Christ prays in me,
Christ works in me,
Christ thinks in me,
Christ looks through my eyes,
Christ speaks through my words,
Christ works with my hands,
Christ walks with my feet,
Christ loves with my heart.

If we really want to pray we must first learn to listen, for in the silence of the heart God speaks. And to be able to hear that silence, to be able to hear God we need a clean heart, for a clean heart can see God, can hear God, can listen to God; and then only from the fullness of our heart can we speak to God. But we cannot speak unless we have listened, unless we have made that connection with God in the silence of our heart. (Mother Teresa: Essential Writings, page 54-55)

My silent time with God looks very different.

-Sometimes it is imagining myself being held in the arms of Jesus – kinda like me cuddling with Allie the other morning, but this time, it’s Jesus holding me. I sit quietly, imagining the comfort, the love, the tenderness, the peace, the joy I would experience. Sometimes, I imagine Jesus speaking soothing words to me, “it’s OK Lori, I’m here with you,”

-Sometimes my time with God is in the woods, walking alone. Being very quiet to not make a noise and just try to hear every noise possible in the woods – the crunch beneath my feet, the leaves in the trees, the birds, the breeze, a distance dog barking or the movement in the weeds.

-Sometimes I wish I knew yoga, but I just fake it and make up something for myself. I sit straight, with my shoulders back, I close my eyes and breathe in deeply and very slowly release. Sometimes, I breathe in “God’s peace” and release whatever may be on my mind. Or from Psalm 23 the first verse (paraphrased by me ) is “I lack for nothing”, so I breathe in accepting the truth of those words and again release whatever I think I may be needing.

At the end of this all, I am just experimenting and trying to discover what works for me. If I focus too much on the “how” and forget the “why” I am trying to be silent before God, I’m left frustrated. By when I remember Merton’s words, “my desire to please God, pleases God,” I am at peace.

My Home

Tong Min-Min, aka Allie
Tongling Welfare Institute
Tongling, Anhui, China
early 2003

Found in a Box

September 20 is the day we celebrate Allison Min-Joy Tate’s birthday. Her birth certificate technically states that day as her birthday, so it will always be our celebration day.

However, I don’t know when Allison Min-Joy Tate, aka Tong Min-Min, aka “A black-skinned baby girl found in box, with a blanket and a carton of dry milk” on September 29, 2003 was born. She was found outside a warehouse, in the city of Tongling, in the providence of Anhui, China. The people at the orphanage ran an advertisement in the paper, announcing this child was found, but no one stepped forward to claim her. Not at all a surprise, since it is illegal to abandon children.

The caring women at the Tongling Welfare Institute (www.adopttongling.com) gave this child her identify. They gave her the birthday of September 20 - perhaps they thought the little baby was 9 days old or perhaps 9/20 was a lucky day. They gave her the last name Tong, for the city and orphanage she came from, and they named her Min-Min, which meant “agile.”

September seems to be a reflective time for me. Lots of natural changes as we move into fall, but mostly because I think so much about Allie’s China mom and family.
I find the story of baby Moses found in the basket, watched from a distance by his older sister so familiar and real. I wonder if this is not Allie’s story. Was there an older sibling, an aunt or perhaps her mom or dad that hide at a distance, watching over the cardboard box to ensure nothing happened to this child? What time was she left, what time did someone happen to find the box? What must it be like to feel like you have no options but to abandon your daughter?

I am thankful for this China woman who had the courage to give life to our daughter. I can’t imagine my life without Allie. She is so incredible.

Nobody can hug you like Allie.
She squeezes your guts out!
She makes you laugh, she drives me crazy!
She tells these great stories.
She sings her songs with melody that is uniquely hers!
She makes great pancakes.
She has a smile and giggle that will take your breathe away!

Our family was not complete, until Allie come along on May 23, 2005.

All is good

Friday and Saturday I spent in Toledo. It is hard to be away from my family, but I feel and hopefully they notice that my time away is valuable for my spiritual well-being.
It was great to be with my cohorts again, and spend time with Sister Joanne. She is replacing Sue my previous leader, who moved out of state.

Several years ago I applied for to an EdD Leadership program at Bowling Green, but was not accepted. That was a very difficult time for me. There have been very few times that I haven't "gotten" the things I was working towards. Looking back I realize that closed door at Bowling Green, lead me to two life-changing experiences - the adoption of Allie and this spiritual formation program.

An EdD would have challenged me intelluctually, but this spiritual formation program has changed my life and more importantly my heart! Not to mention what Allie has brought to our lives.

All is Gift

Other morning at 5:30 Allie scared the daylights out of me, by quietly appearing next to my chair. Typically I hear the kids’ footsteps, but not this morning.

She had tears in her eyes and said she had had a bad dream. I drew her onto my lap and wrapped her in my special little blanket. (The blanket was a baby gift for Jeff and I never used it for him; however, it has become my shoulder blanket, like a prayer shawl I use in the mornings. I PROMISE, you will NEVER see me at Panera with my prayer blanket!) I asked about her bad dream. She shared little except she was lost, there were monsters and someone trying to kill her. As we snuggled together in my favorite chair and I encouraged and coaxed her to let me take her upstairs so she could cuddle in bed with daddy. Nope, she wanted to stay with me.

Several years ago, I would have resented my quiet, prayer time being interrupted by my kids. (I was dumb then!) Now I have come to see my Allie interruption was a sacred moment, a blessing from my Father to have such a special, intimate time with my daughter. I have learned to welcome these times and not resent them. I have learned to recognize God’s presence through life’s ordinary moment.

“All is gift” – St. Francis.

Happy Birthday

Today's my mom's 82nd birthday.
Lord, help me to love and care for her, as she did for me when I was little. amen.

wwKids - shepherds

Mother Teresa

Thursday, Sept. 10 marked the anniversay of MT "calling" to minister to the poor.

Start of a new year

This afternoon I travel to Toledo to meet with my cohorts. It's our first session for the second year praticum of Spiritual Director. Once a month we meet for 3 hours on a Friday evening and then 7 hours on Saturday. It is a great model, particularly when you have a family. The weekends are always a time of personal renewal and challenge, as well as community.

This year we have a new leader, Sister Joanne. She is replacing my dear friend Sue, who moved to Indiana to assume the leadership role at a retreat center.

It will be so good to see everyone again.

Picked up several books by Sofia Cavalletti, “The Religious Potential of the Child” and “Living Liturgy.”

She is the founder of the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd, a method of religious formation based on the educational model of Maria Montessori. The Catechesis builds on the capacity for faith already in each child, using the scriptures and liturgy of the church.

I love to read, but I am a very visual learned. Often I need visual examples and conversations to supplement my reading. Fortunately, there is a woman who is doing her internship at my daughter’s Montessori school (www.Northstarmontessori.com), who has quite a bit of experience using the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd. I need to set up some time to spend with Linda and hear her stories.

I would love to saturate wwKiD's ministry with this approach to our kids. I'm not sure how to do it. It is a MAJOR shift in thinking, but maybe I'm not giving our people enough credit. I think meeting Linda, may be another step in the journey.

Seeing God in the Ordinary

. . . it was the best of times; it was the worst of times

ordinary days

Getting hugs from Allie because she knew I was sad
Watching my silly dog chew another toy of Allie’s
Smearing peanut butter in Jeff's hair to get gum out
Seeing our caterpillars become butterflies
Playing “Pretty Pretty Princess” with Grandma Ursula and Jean at the Ganton Care Center
Making our homemade pizzas
Learning that my good friend from EDS just lost her job after 20+ years
Hearing my friend’s fight with cancer has quickly gotten worse
Watching another friend head south for her latest round of cancer treatment
Seeing my husband come home exhausted after a 15 hour work day
Realizing that my parents have gotten old – really old – and need me in a new way

Praying that I will respond to Spirit, as she leads me through these ordinary days of life. Praying that I will respond always with the gentleness and grace of Jesus both to myself and others.
Praying that I be totally present with each person who crosses my path

Road trip w/Jen

Friday I spent a great day in Detroit with Jen.

We checked out Gleaner’s Food Bank in Detroit off of Gratiot. It turned out our “tour guide” was a young woman who graduated from SAU with Jen and had been to Westwinds several times. In January we are inviting our WW parents and kids on this mission outreach, to learn about hunger and how they can make a difference. Gleaner’s is a great organization with some cool programs oriented to kids. Can’t wait to take our kids there!

I took Jen by the Heidelberg Project, (www.roadsideamerica.com tip 5329) just blocks away from the food bank. The art is forever evolving. So cool, so moving. There were a number of people shooting photos and filming. They now have a “booth” to register your visit.

For the first time since I moved from the Detroit area, I went back to Pizza Papoulis in Greek town and got their famous spinach pizza. I love that pizza. That grossed out Jen, but I ate the entire personal pan pizza. They have the best pizza sauce.

My final destination on this road trip was to try and visit the Missionaries of Charity. The religious order founded by Mother Teresa. I knew there had been a house established in Detroit, and found it on the southern part of the city around Fort St. We were fortunate that the nuns were at the house. (Sept. 5, marked the 11th anniversay of MT's leaving to be with her Jesus.)

None of the other sisters I know – Sisters Nancy, Joanne, Joy or Virginia wear traditional religious clothing so I was surprised to see their Indian saris. Four sisters live and serve in the south Detroit community. Sister Davis is from India, she lived at the same mother house as Mother Teresa. Wisdom from Sister Davis: “Mother always says, ‘that whoever is standing there in front of you deserves your full attention and respect. It doesn’t matter if they are the President or a beggar. Whatever we do to the least of these, we do to Jesus.”

What a neat opportunity to sit with Sister Davis and learn from her. She gave us a copy of a novena (9 days of consecutive prayer) to Blessed Teresa of Calutta, titled "Jesus is my All in All."

Detroit Trip - this Friday

Excited this Friday, Jen Gienapp from WWKids ministry, and I are going to Detroit to checkout Gleaners. It is one of 3 kids mission adventures we have planned for the year. We'll be at Gleaners, an inner city food ministry, in late January.

Afterwards, I am going to try to connect to small group of sisters from the Missionaries of Charity. (This is Mother Teresa's religious order.) The nuns pray from 2-3 and I'm hoping to join them. Don't know what will happen, but I feel compelled to be in the presence of these women. I know I will be changed.